Okay so here is the thing, my friend is writing a script and asking me for my opinion. However we are at an impasse. He believes that poop jokes, in a non Family Guy type settings is funny. However, I believe its awkward and will not get him the most possible viewer.
So we decided to do a poll. Here's the scene. Keep it? Scrap it?
(Daunte and Patrick are sitting at a table and then the server comes over)
Server:
What can I get for you guys today?
Patrick:
Can I get a green tea with a splash of honey?
Server:
Excellent choice and for you sir
Daunte:
Most Coffee and Tea products make me take the most epic shits, like hello I paint the toilet with that being said I will take a Carmel latte with double shot of Carmel and do you have any of those cookies with the stripes on them and please make sure your bathroom is cleaned I can’t just put my ass on any thing
Server:
Yes sir and will do
Daunte:
Thank You Love
Patrick:
Do you have to tell people about your shitting problem everywhere we go, it’s humiliating
Daunte:
Everyone in the world poops and if they say they don’t they are lying
Patrick:
Moving on from your poop, how’s work going for you
Daunte:
Work is horrible, I hate it but I wouldn’t quit because I need boots and food.
Server:
Here’s your coffee and your green tea and I spoke with the manager he said the bathroom is clean for you
Daunte:
Thank you
Patrick:
Thank you,
Server:
You’re welcome
Patrick
We need to talk
Daunte
Oh if it’s about the thing that happened the other night, it’s not a big deal it happens to a lot of guys
Patrick
We don’t need to talk about that listen weve been together for 4 years and weve been living together for 3 yrs. and we aren’tt going
Anywhere you have no goals and you’re very mean and loud and obnoxious and you always have to have the last word it’s very annoying
Daunte
If this is a marriage proposal, it sounds really rude and why aren’tt you on one knee
Patrick
It’s over, we are better off friends and I’m going to start sleeping on the sofa
Daunte:
You can’t break up with me I won’t allow this
Patrick
It’s happening , we need to do other things in life we can have sex once in a while but as far as the relationship goes it’s over
(Daunte grabs the green tea and throws it)
Patrick
Why did you do that?
Daunte
Sex once in a while...... youre an asshole you can’t break my heart and let me know that Im a booty call, your animal and over the years I have overlooked a lot of things, your morning breath, your smelly feet, your stupid laugh and your regular size penis but I will not overlook the fact that you think Im a booty call to you. I WANT YOU OUT BY THE END OF THE DAY
Patrick
You’re overacting
Daunte
I am underacting because I have not reached for the knife to stab you. You son of a bitch
Patrick
You’re making a scene
Daunte
Attention all coffee house patrons this son bitch that I’m sitting across from just dumped me and then told me I was a booty call and told me I have no goals or future well guess what my future just became clear to me you are not in it and all the sudden I can see clearly now the rain is gone you son of a bitch
(Daunte throws his coffee on Patrick)
Daunte
By the way heis poor and jobless, hes got no money for the coffee hea wearing good luck you fucking bastard I hate you.
(Daunte Storms out of the coffee shop)
(Daunte now outside grabs his cellphone and starts walking toward his car)
Daunte
Hey Annie it’s Daunte and the time is 11:59 am and by the time I get to your house it will be 5' o clock somewhere we need to drink
