Hello loves,
All is ok here, please stop worrying about me!
Mother is now in Spain so I can breathe again and relax. She's really upset me and the more I think about what she said the more I hate her and know that I can't have negative people like her in my life. Nanny is doing ok thank you too guys. Her blood levels were better than they usually are, which is why the consultant didn't want to give her any more blood so fingers crossed she'll also be fine this week with both Mum and me away at the same time. My brother is on standby should she have a bad turn so all is in place.
I also finally spoke to the Chaplaincy of the hospital yesterday and I spoke to a really nice, kind and gentle lady there. She explained what happens with the remains of all the lost babies and how they have a service and blessing for them in the chapel before they are transferred to the crematorium. She also explained how they have a 'Baby Book of Remembrance' there which is regularly updated and sent away for a caligrapher to write in and then she invited me to go over next week and add my words to the book, so I'm all booked in for next Thursday morning at 10am. It's one of those things that I'm really looking forward to but not at the same time. I know it's going to be emotional but its also a permanent tribute to my baby, to be kept forever. Even if my mother has ignored her, it's important for me that Pip is acknowledged as having existed and been my baby. I also feel that this will be the final thing I need to do before I can let go and move on. I was doing so well before my fucking mother turned me mental on Sunday and I know I can continue to do well in the future too.
The house is looking absolutely great! Jim has been round this morning and fitted a new light fitting in the lounge which is something me and Martin had said we would do the second we moved in because the old fitting was so ugly and yet, here I am 13 years later, I'm ashamed to say, and finally it's down and will be binned! Yay!!
I now have white skirting boards and white stairs banisters and all is looking clean, fresh and bright. Now all I have to do is get my stuff moved out of my bedroom and back in the lounge somewhere. I've bought a plate for my tv so I can fit it to the wall (I'm hoping Jim will do this tonight but if not, it'll be done in the next week or two) and then I can also get rid of this horrible black telly cabinet I've got too. All the furniture is gonna be moved round and the lounge is gonna look sooooo much bigger. So today's plan is to get everything moved back into place and then make sure everything is put away in my bedroom because I'm going to Latitude Festival tomorrow til next Monday and my room is being decorated pure white while I'm gone. Then all that's left to do is carpets and I have a couple of months to save up and then the house is all done! I'm already thinking it's so nice I don't wanna leave it but then I still feel I need to move but whatever; I intend to leave Gosport tomorrow lunchtime and forget about my life for a few days and enjoy all the new experiences that come my way including hopefully catching a few good authors doing readings of their books and the gorgeous Elbow on Saturday night. Not much looking forward to roughing it in a tent for 5 nights but still, the fresh air will do me good I'm sure.
Hope all you lovely people are doing ok today; please keep praying for the sun for me!!
Speak to you all when I get back. Lots of love.
Em...........xx
All is ok here, please stop worrying about me!
Mother is now in Spain so I can breathe again and relax. She's really upset me and the more I think about what she said the more I hate her and know that I can't have negative people like her in my life. Nanny is doing ok thank you too guys. Her blood levels were better than they usually are, which is why the consultant didn't want to give her any more blood so fingers crossed she'll also be fine this week with both Mum and me away at the same time. My brother is on standby should she have a bad turn so all is in place.
I also finally spoke to the Chaplaincy of the hospital yesterday and I spoke to a really nice, kind and gentle lady there. She explained what happens with the remains of all the lost babies and how they have a service and blessing for them in the chapel before they are transferred to the crematorium. She also explained how they have a 'Baby Book of Remembrance' there which is regularly updated and sent away for a caligrapher to write in and then she invited me to go over next week and add my words to the book, so I'm all booked in for next Thursday morning at 10am. It's one of those things that I'm really looking forward to but not at the same time. I know it's going to be emotional but its also a permanent tribute to my baby, to be kept forever. Even if my mother has ignored her, it's important for me that Pip is acknowledged as having existed and been my baby. I also feel that this will be the final thing I need to do before I can let go and move on. I was doing so well before my fucking mother turned me mental on Sunday and I know I can continue to do well in the future too.
The house is looking absolutely great! Jim has been round this morning and fitted a new light fitting in the lounge which is something me and Martin had said we would do the second we moved in because the old fitting was so ugly and yet, here I am 13 years later, I'm ashamed to say, and finally it's down and will be binned! Yay!!
I now have white skirting boards and white stairs banisters and all is looking clean, fresh and bright. Now all I have to do is get my stuff moved out of my bedroom and back in the lounge somewhere. I've bought a plate for my tv so I can fit it to the wall (I'm hoping Jim will do this tonight but if not, it'll be done in the next week or two) and then I can also get rid of this horrible black telly cabinet I've got too. All the furniture is gonna be moved round and the lounge is gonna look sooooo much bigger. So today's plan is to get everything moved back into place and then make sure everything is put away in my bedroom because I'm going to Latitude Festival tomorrow til next Monday and my room is being decorated pure white while I'm gone. Then all that's left to do is carpets and I have a couple of months to save up and then the house is all done! I'm already thinking it's so nice I don't wanna leave it but then I still feel I need to move but whatever; I intend to leave Gosport tomorrow lunchtime and forget about my life for a few days and enjoy all the new experiences that come my way including hopefully catching a few good authors doing readings of their books and the gorgeous Elbow on Saturday night. Not much looking forward to roughing it in a tent for 5 nights but still, the fresh air will do me good I'm sure.
Hope all you lovely people are doing ok today; please keep praying for the sun for me!!
Speak to you all when I get back. Lots of love.
Em...........xx
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
thank goodness your mums fucked off to spain for abit, gives you the chance to clear your head from her bullshit.
hope you enjoy the fest hun, even thought your working.