lighthammer1979

So ten years ago today I had the worst day ever. I had gone to school like any other day. This day ended up not being like any other day or any other day since. I had just left my AP english class and was trying to meet up with a friend and grab a bite to eat in the lunch room. Out of nowhere my school counselor came running and telling me I needed to get to the office right away, I had a family emergancy that I needed to take a phone call. I didn't think it could be anything that bad. Figured my grandma had fallen at home and was taken to the hospital. Saddly it was much worse than I could have ever imagined. When I got to the school office everyone was quite, the lady behind the desk handed me the phone. When I said "Hello" I could hear my monther voice and she was crying. I asked what was wrong. Thats when she told me that my son had just died. When I heard those words my heart just sank. I just looked around and didn't know what to think. My counsoler gave me a hug and told me to leave for the day and go be with my family. As I left the school some friends saw me and asked what was wrong and I told them. Some offered their sympathies, but I really didn't care. I don't really remember the drive to the hospital or really walking into the hospital, but I do remember walking into the room his body was in. It was one of the most unreal moments of my life. There he was his lifeless body in my ex's arms. She was there with her family and the guy she had left me for. Most of them were crying I think. My ex saw me and handed his body to me. Now I had seen a few dead family members before this. But it's a completely different story when it's a child, your own child. As I sat in the room holding my son I prayed and hoped that this was just a dream. But I knew that it wasn't. I don't remember much over the next few days to much shock I guess. I do remember looking to all sort of people for answers. I went to my church and got none. They told me that I should just deal with it. I went to some one I tought was my best friend. He told me he didn't want to hear it. I finally tried looking at the bottom of a bottle. No answer there also. I finally had someone who wasn't a close friend at the time just listen to me. His name was Jamey. He didn't try to give me advice because he said he couldn't begin to understand what I was goin through. But he did offer a shoulder to cry on or someone to yell at when I needed just that and that was more than most even tried to offer. And I thank him for that. There are times when I feal like I was robbed of all these great things because of this. I will never get to see my son take his first steps, go off on his first date, or graduate from collage. I don't get to hear his first word or hear him say I love you dad. I will never teach him to play catch, take him to his first ball game, or play video games with him. It all sounds kinda corny doesn't it. Well it may just be that, but I'd give just about anything for one more day. One more day of trivial stuff that probly won't make any sense to most that read this. But this is what I learned from this tragedy. That life is tough and truely not fair, but if you can take some form of knowledge from everything you do and experience in life it can teach you to be truely strong. You may think this is hokey or just the rambling of somebody who doesn't know what they are talking about. And well thats your choice to think that. But my friend Steevo reminded me of just how strong I am the other weekend. He told me that he viewed me as one of his heroes. I found that just a bit shocking as I layed in the bathtub completly wasted and rambling and making no sense. He said something to the effect that no matter how bad my life seems to get sometimes that I always seem to keep moving forward. So I guess I saying is this whenever you think you can't fall any lower you can. Now the question is do you have what it takes to pick yourself back up and stare life and those who wish to hold you back, knock you down, and do what it takes to keep you down. If you do, then don't ever let someone take that from you. You always give me the strength I need when I'm at my lowest and I thank you for that son.

R.I.P. Dakota "Cody" Michael Elliott

David "Davey" Lee Jones


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