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lightbulbjack

Island of Misfit Toys

Member Since 2003

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Thursday May 12, 2005

May 12, 2005
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Ive been wired all day. I had to take half the money I was saving for a car and use it on other things. I was actually a little a head of the game when it came to having the money to get a car but not anymore.

Its in times like these I miss my mom the most. We were very close. She was the one person in my life who knew the real me. Day or night I could call her and she would make me feel better. Even in times I was so upset or confused that all I could do was cry over the phone to her, she would talk to me and help me get thought it. She been gone almost 4 years now and hardly a day goes by where I dont think about her.

Everything good about me is because of her. I never had a father in my life. She taught me how to be a good man. The greatest lesson she taught me was this; anyone can appear to be a good person while others are watching. The character of a truly good person shines brightest when they do what they can to help when no one is around to see it. They do it because its the right thing to do. My mom was a hell of a good person.

This job situation has set my life on tilt. 8 weeks turned into 6 and then 3. I dont have a solid lead on a job. I havent a clue what to do. Im fighting this paralyzing fear. That I wont be able to find a job that pay enough and has benefits. I dont even know what I want to do. Stay, move, does it even matter?

What do I do when I run out of money? I grew up poor. I grew up extremely poor. There were many nights for dinner I ate plain crackers. A hot dog cut up in my mac & cheese was huge. I know whats it like to go to bed hungry. And what its like to go to school in dirty clothes praying no one will notice, or at least not say anything.

My biggest fear is being poor again. You might be reading this and remembering your life. Or maybe youve never been so poor that you have to choose between food and heat. If you havent I hope you never do.

The idea of being out of work and completely broke has me scared. I cant pull it together and find a better job. Everyday I go into my lab a little more bitter.

Im sure something will happen and things will work out all right. But for this moment Im truly at a loss as what it is I should do.

I really wish I could call my mom
frown
tripleb_doom:
frown

things will look up. when karma throws you into a low, life will find balance with a high.

and i know your mom wherver she is in the afterlife is tryin to help ya smile

be it heaven, nirvana or whatever you belive in biggrin
May 12, 2005

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