Thank God its Friday. With the week Ive had, if I had to work one more day I was going to start putting customers heads on pikes around my lab. It seems that nice weather brings out the worst in people.

In other news, I really really need to stay off the computer after my Ambien is kicking in. That and not drink vodka with it. I also need to put a sign on my monitor that say, just go to bed dumbass before you post something youll regret.

I need recreational drugs. I would prefer acid, but pot will do.

I'm very needy right now.

I bought a cool shirt with a monkey on it. I like monkeys.

Ive been looking into converting to midgetism so I can get my porno career going. The good news is Ive found a doctor from Guatemala who can remove the lower half of my legs and sew my feet onto my knees. But heres the catch, I need to find a way to get to his super secret lab that is hidden somewhere in the Andes mountains.

Now I know what youre thinking, what the hell is a Guatemala doctor doing in the Andes? The answer it seems is simply, and that is to stymie my attempts to break into the lucrative world of midget porn.

Be honest, do you think I have a chance if I bill myself as the worlds tallest midget?