Things I want to do before the end of the year.
Get a new job.
Get a new tattoo.
Make some new friends.
Try and reconnect with my family.
Finish one of my short stories and submit it somewhere.
I met up with Jane on Saturday after having said goodbye to her on Friday. It was a little easer to goodbye this time. She was excited and not nearly as stressed out as she had been the day before. Im going to miss her.
She asked me over dinner what was keeping me here in Lansing. In the past I could say that it was my family, but thats not true anymore. After my mom passed away my brother and sisters pulled together to help each other get through the pain of her loss. Over time, Ive let myself drift away from them. I could say that it was all the time that I was spending at work that made me lose touch with them, but thats not true.
My mom and I were extremely close. I was devastated after she was gone. Ive always felt like the outsider in my family. Hell, Ive always felt like the outsider in everything. With my family it was like one day I woke up and realized that it had been months since I had talked to any of them.
I really dont think moving would change anything for me. If anything it would make matters worse. Im very shy and meeting new people is tough for me. Add on there depression/social anxiety/panic attacks and starting back from square one. That doesnt sound all that appealing.
My problem isnt where I live; its in my head.
Jane also asked me some time back, why I thought someone else would like me when I dont like myself. More of her tough as nails honesty. It felt like she had hit me up side the head with a 2x4. I made some flip comment, but the truth is, shes right.
At the beginning of this year my only resolution was to try and live by the words fortune favors the bold. I think Ive done pretty well so far. Ive been struggling lately. Im not getting any younger and Im sick of feeling the way I do.
So its time to make some changes.
All I ever write about in this journal anymore is serious stuff. I need to get my head in a happy place.
One last thing, Ive decided that if I get lay off Im going to shave my head.
Return to your homes, the great Oz has spoken.
Get a new job.
Get a new tattoo.
Make some new friends.
Try and reconnect with my family.
Finish one of my short stories and submit it somewhere.
I met up with Jane on Saturday after having said goodbye to her on Friday. It was a little easer to goodbye this time. She was excited and not nearly as stressed out as she had been the day before. Im going to miss her.
She asked me over dinner what was keeping me here in Lansing. In the past I could say that it was my family, but thats not true anymore. After my mom passed away my brother and sisters pulled together to help each other get through the pain of her loss. Over time, Ive let myself drift away from them. I could say that it was all the time that I was spending at work that made me lose touch with them, but thats not true.
My mom and I were extremely close. I was devastated after she was gone. Ive always felt like the outsider in my family. Hell, Ive always felt like the outsider in everything. With my family it was like one day I woke up and realized that it had been months since I had talked to any of them.
I really dont think moving would change anything for me. If anything it would make matters worse. Im very shy and meeting new people is tough for me. Add on there depression/social anxiety/panic attacks and starting back from square one. That doesnt sound all that appealing.
My problem isnt where I live; its in my head.
Jane also asked me some time back, why I thought someone else would like me when I dont like myself. More of her tough as nails honesty. It felt like she had hit me up side the head with a 2x4. I made some flip comment, but the truth is, shes right.
At the beginning of this year my only resolution was to try and live by the words fortune favors the bold. I think Ive done pretty well so far. Ive been struggling lately. Im not getting any younger and Im sick of feeling the way I do.
So its time to make some changes.
All I ever write about in this journal anymore is serious stuff. I need to get my head in a happy place.
One last thing, Ive decided that if I get lay off Im going to shave my head.
Return to your homes, the great Oz has spoken.
Yes. Yes, I am.
Weird how the stuff on your list is a lot like the stuff on mine, though, really. Heh. Copy-cat!!