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lightbulbjack

Island of Misfit Toys

Member Since 2003

Followers 16 Following 20

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Friday Jul 02, 2004

Jul 2, 2004
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Ive got a scar on my forearm that has been bothering me lately. It doesnt hurt or anything like that its just a reminder of a bad night. About four years ago I came the closest Ive ever come to killing myself. Close enough that I was setting on my bed with a knife making some cuts to build up my nerve.

I made a couple shallow cuts, just enough to draw blood. Third cut I stuck the tip of the knife in to my flesh and gave it a quick flick.

It was a deep cut, lot of blood. It snapped me back to reality. I have a scar thats about an inch long. Its only an inch or so but to me it seems much longer. I want it gone.

About a month later my mom passed away. I told her about that night. I told her how close I came to killing myself. I wonder as she was leaving if she was worrid about me. That has bothered me ever since that night.

I need to believe that in her last moments there was no pain. No worry. No regret. I hope that her last thoughts of her children were of the love she had for us and we had for her.

I need to believe in the bright light.
oninotaki:
Well I just want to let you know that I love you man and I am very happy that you didnt off yourself that night. When I was younger I used to ponder it, but then the son of a friend of the familys killed himself and at the funeral his mother made me promise that I would never do it. I dont know if she remembers asking me to make that promise but I have never forgot and it is what has snapped me back to reality a couple of time know.
Jul 2, 2004

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