Ive got a scar on my forearm that has been bothering me lately. It doesnt hurt or anything like that its just a reminder of a bad night. About four years ago I came the closest Ive ever come to killing myself. Close enough that I was setting on my bed with a knife making some cuts to build up my nerve.
I made a couple shallow cuts, just enough to draw blood. Third cut I stuck the tip of the knife in to my flesh and gave it a quick flick.
It was a deep cut, lot of blood. It snapped me back to reality. I have a scar thats about an inch long. Its only an inch or so but to me it seems much longer. I want it gone.
About a month later my mom passed away. I told her about that night. I told her how close I came to killing myself. I wonder as she was leaving if she was worrid about me. That has bothered me ever since that night.
I need to believe that in her last moments there was no pain. No worry. No regret. I hope that her last thoughts of her children were of the love she had for us and we had for her.
I need to believe in the bright light.
I made a couple shallow cuts, just enough to draw blood. Third cut I stuck the tip of the knife in to my flesh and gave it a quick flick.
It was a deep cut, lot of blood. It snapped me back to reality. I have a scar thats about an inch long. Its only an inch or so but to me it seems much longer. I want it gone.
About a month later my mom passed away. I told her about that night. I told her how close I came to killing myself. I wonder as she was leaving if she was worrid about me. That has bothered me ever since that night.
I need to believe that in her last moments there was no pain. No worry. No regret. I hope that her last thoughts of her children were of the love she had for us and we had for her.
I need to believe in the bright light.
oninotaki:
Well I just want to let you know that I love you man and I am very happy that you didnt off yourself that night. When I was younger I used to ponder it, but then the son of a friend of the familys killed himself and at the funeral his mother made me promise that I would never do it. I dont know if she remembers asking me to make that promise but I have never forgot and it is what has snapped me back to reality a couple of time know.