lightbulbjack

According to the childrens book, Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants: my new name Chim-Chim Gizzardfanny.

A users guide to Lightbulbjack version 1.1

I dont believe in hell.

I value honor and loyalty vary highly. A man is nothing without honor.

Every super bowl Sunday since I was a kid, Ive gotten a bag of Doritos. When I was young, we didnt have a lot of money. But no matter how broke we were, my mom always bought me a bag of Doritos. That was a luxery item in my house.

I broke into my principals office by going up through a drop ceiling. I walked along a beam carrying a 4 ft 2x4 for balance. Crossed over a room and a hallway, during classes and dropped down into his office.

I used to hum Pink Floyd songs to my baby niece while I was rocking her to sleep.

I once fell in love with my best friends girlfriend. And even thou she had feelings for me as well, I didnt pursue it. You dont do things like that to your friends.

Ive had a loaded .357 Magnum pointed at my head. It was a .357 long barrel, from about a foot away the end of the barrel looks like the size of a basketball hoop.

I saw a shrink for several years. I have social anxiety/panic attacks/ clinical depression. So if you meet me Im kind of shy. I am working on being bolder. (Side note: According to Ninedayjane, Teal is the color of therapy.)

I dont know how to dance. I was raised in religious schools and dancing was the work of Satan. Think Footloose; only I never played chicken on a tractor while the song Holding Out for a Hero played in the background.

I dont like Indian food. It all taste like too much curry to me.

Im legally deaf. I can read lips if I have a little sound to go along with it. So ladies, if we are talking and my eyes keep looking down, 95% of the time Im watching your lips. The other 5% Im checking out your boobs, what can I say, I a guy.


Why my job Sucks Ass
So I just got a call from one of my employees saying that the place I work is taking away the stool we sit on. Now this stool has been there for almost 2 years, and no one has had a problem.

So what has suddenly happened to change this? Well, its a bitch will call Clifford the big red dog. Thats not her name of course, but that is what most people call her behind her back. You see, Clifford the big red dog is pregnant. This has taken her from mega-bitch to ubber-bitch. All the hormones of her pregnancy have made her almost unbearable.

Does Clifford the big red dog come to me and say there is a problem? No. She waits until one particular person is working and then gos after him. She has had it out for this person for a long time. Why, Im not sure. This is one of the nicest guys Ive ever meet.

Tonight, she was bragging about how shes been trying to call corporate and complain about my people. And telling everyone how were going to get it tonight. This took place in a team meeting at the start of the shift. Vary professional dont you think?

Did I mention that Clifford the big red dog still smokes? When someone pointed out to her that smoking while pregnant isnt good for the baby, Her exact response was, Yeah right, dont give me any of that bullshit.

This is the best part. Instead of coming over and doing her own dirty work, she sends one of the shift leaders over to do it. Now she has stuck some girl in the middle of this, who thinks we all are going to blame her. When my guy handed her the phone so I could talk to her and find out what was going on, she didnt want take it.

I dont blame her in anyway. This isnt her doing. She is just doing what her boss is telling her to do. I told her this. Hopefully, she not to freaked out about it. Shes a nice girl.

Apparently, Clifford the big red dog has decided that we should stand out in front of our counter and had out fliers and greet people.

I should explain that the company I work for leases space from a store. I dont work for the same company as Clifford the big red dog. And Ill be damned if Im going to stand out there and be there fucking greeter.

This has me so pissed, its like my blood is boiling.

Ive been kind of looking for a new job. I need to get my act together and get out of this place. Kodak just announced that they are laying off another 12,000 to 15,000 people. This is on top of some massive cutbacks. My job isnt exactly safe. I think its time to get serious. Best-case scenario with all this is still a shitty compromise.

I just called my doctor, she is going to give me a paper stating that I need to be able to sit down at work due to my back. Fuck you Clifford.