lightbulbjack

Random update.

I deep-fried turkey for the first time, and Goddamn is that good.

Ive read the second and third Harry Potter books in 4 days. I read the Prisoner of Azkaban yesterday, cover to cover in one day. Ill most likely pick up Goblet of Fire today or tomorrow.

I went over to my sisters and built my nieces bunk beds. I was a pain getting them together but well worth it when they both climbed into my lap and said thank you. Then I got to tuck them in their new beds for the night.

I remember my sister asking me kind of nervously when she decided to adopt from China if I would love the little girl even though she wasnt related to me. There was never any doubt in my mind that I would. They have become such a big part of my life that I cant imagine them not being in my life. Yeah, Im a big softy when it comes to those two.

In a few days Ill be 35. That kind of scares me little. I dont mind getting older, I still feel like I did when I was in my 20s. The thing that worries me is that I have no idea what Im doing. I need to find a job, but I dont know what I want to do. I would like to be in a relationship with someone but its been years sine Ive let anyone close enough to really get to know me.

I know what my problem is, its fear. Ive been afraid all my life. I know where it all stems from, my parents divorce. Things were pretty terrible for me growing up. I survived by turning inward on myself. I learned at an early age that the best way to survive was to make people forget about you.

I dont feel like talking about this anymore. Im still going to post this because Ive decided that good or bad, this journal will be the place Im completely open and honest. Read it, dont read it, its your choice.