A few years back, I stopped picking flowers. For most of my life, if I happened upon some miracle of life, pushing its way thru the cracks in a sidewalk or somehow flourishing bright and beautiful in the center of a sandy void, I would pluck it and give it away. I'd say, "I found this amazing thing. It's one of a kind. I want you to have it." Then, of course , came the day when I saw one of those little pieces of god and simply couldn't take it away. Instead, I drank it in, and then told the crush, "I found this amazing thing. It is one of a kind. It is still alive and waiting for you."
Anyway, that is how I feel today. I am surrounded by bright, soft, vibrant Romances. Their very existence makes me smile. Their growth from some seed that no one ever remembers even planting is a reminder of the tenaciousness of Love.
But, I cannot pick them. While the analolgy of the flowers falls short here, as a picked blossom WILL die, and Romance, once delved into, will not NECESSARILY wither, I am still wary. It is fear. Because of fear, I will not trade the untainted vibrancy of its colors just to bring it closer to me. So, my garden is full, the butterflies have come, gone and come again, but my house... The vases in my house are empty.
The struggle I find myself in is that my Lovers living across the yard from me, and I, will continue (as a friend perfectly put it) our 'Safety Dances'. Circling, spiraling around each other, getting close but not too close.
We gaze out of our respective windows, into the community garden we are all cultivating. Occasionally we even come out and sit on the stoops together, maybe walk among the flowers hand in hand... But we do not pick them. In the long-term, this will kill our bed. The Universe can only support so much life in one place, so at some point, it will cull. The flowers will fall with the weeds, and the butterflies and honeybees will leave...
For now, though, that eventuality is less scary, less heart-hurting, than this sunny day. For now, I cannot bring myself to touch the flowers.
Anyway, that is how I feel today. I am surrounded by bright, soft, vibrant Romances. Their very existence makes me smile. Their growth from some seed that no one ever remembers even planting is a reminder of the tenaciousness of Love.
But, I cannot pick them. While the analolgy of the flowers falls short here, as a picked blossom WILL die, and Romance, once delved into, will not NECESSARILY wither, I am still wary. It is fear. Because of fear, I will not trade the untainted vibrancy of its colors just to bring it closer to me. So, my garden is full, the butterflies have come, gone and come again, but my house... The vases in my house are empty.
The struggle I find myself in is that my Lovers living across the yard from me, and I, will continue (as a friend perfectly put it) our 'Safety Dances'. Circling, spiraling around each other, getting close but not too close.
We gaze out of our respective windows, into the community garden we are all cultivating. Occasionally we even come out and sit on the stoops together, maybe walk among the flowers hand in hand... But we do not pick them. In the long-term, this will kill our bed. The Universe can only support so much life in one place, so at some point, it will cull. The flowers will fall with the weeds, and the butterflies and honeybees will leave...
For now, though, that eventuality is less scary, less heart-hurting, than this sunny day. For now, I cannot bring myself to touch the flowers.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
Thanks for the wise words. I have to say, by the cold, well, rather lovely light sunny morning of the following day, I don't think it went as badly as I may have thought. She actually sent me a text to say thanks for a lovely evening, and she'll be in contact on her return from holiday, so, we'll see.
I'd put money on me stumbling up that particular conversational molehill again though
I am, occasionally, to subtle, what brick is to glass. But, as you say, I am a BAD ASS brick!
-LOUD NOISES!
which reminds me, where is the odd movie quote quizz gone, I liked.
I love this entry, very beautifully written. And you look familiar in that second picture! Do you/have you worked a travelling Renn Fest?