liathach

So.

I'm a member of a few groups on this site. But I occasionally get the feeling they are a little dull and worthy. You know, UK Politics, Anti-racism ('I hate racists' 'So do I' 'Hooray!'), The Book Club, Folk Music and so on.

So, today I decided to swing by the Masturbation Group to see what they talked about. To be honest, I wasn't expecting much. I mean (and I realise this is a male perspective), just how much can you say? 'Hey everybody! I tried using my LEFT hand today, AND it wasn't as good' (I only use my left when my tennis elbow is playing up).But, actually, there is a world of discussion out there, as I found out.

I liked the 'Who is masturbating right now?' for its directness. To be honest, most entries were either just about to, or had just finished. But then I guess it's hard to type and wank simultaneously, unelsels oyuouil want youriekjl entressssssss toeooooo becummmmmmmmmmmmm inelllllllllllllligeball.

I felt very sorry for the guy who had started the thread 'Who should I masturbate to?' If you have to ask that question, you really are in trouble. Even worse was the fact that no-one replied.

'Pictures of you masturbating on my pics' has some great if rather blurry results. There's an excellent shot of a jizz covered screen. Having a laptop, I wouldn't dare try to replicate that. The shame of having to return it to Field Services to have the spooge cleaned out of the keyboard would be just too much.

And I really like 'Say something about the person above you that would make you want to masturbate for them', which has some really sweet answers, although it seemed to get bogged down in a love fest between two members yesterday.

There's 'Hangover wanks' (someone does point out the headachey throbs this incurs), 'Same sex masturbation' (Rupert Everett in cricket whites for me), 'Drink you ejac' (on occasion), and so on.

'Best you've had' is tricky. While great fucks are easy to remember (from posh hotels to back alleys), wanks are a little more difficult. Out in the countryside is always a great place; all that fresh air really gets the blood flowing.

One of the most unusual wanks I ever read about was in the jazz singer, George Melly's autobiography. Melly was a keen fly fisher, and one day landed a huge trout (that is not a euphemism). He was so proud of his achievement that he lay the trout on a tree stump, dropped his pants and masturbated over it. 'In honour of the trout' he said. He was also a keen promoter of Surrealist art. As you can imagine.

So, to finish with, here's a video. And before you all rush for the Logout button, it's not of me indulging in a Double Hand Shandy over a lovely SG lady. It's my all-time favourite Eddie Izzard sketch, rendered in Lego. Apologies if you have seen this before, but I nearly pee with laughter every time I watch it.....



Love to you all

L xxx