liantem

This morning I emailed one of the law school deans to confirm that I will not officially be attending my own graduation. I didn't give an excuse, because I don't really have one.

Unofficially, I plan to be there, sitting in the spectator rows with my family and watching my classmates pick up their diplomas. I'll drop by the office to pick up my own diploma a few days later.

There's no problem with my graduation, really. I've earned my degree, with credits to spare. I'd just rather be a spectator than a participant at this ceremony. And the closer it comes to the actual day, the more self-conscious and peculiar I feel about that choice. I realize it's eccentric. It's supposed to be a celebration of accomplishment and in some sense I've worked three years to get to this point and yet, for reasons that I can't articulate because I don't fully understand them myself, I don't want to do the diploma walk.

I want to be there. I want to watch my classmates go up on the stage and I want to hear the speaker (we're getting O'Connor, and I'm very interested in what she'll have to say). I just don't want to be on that stage myself.

I don't know why. Maybe I never will. But I've sent in my absentee notice.