leylei

i'm so average and it sux, like a whore who need's crack, i'm a c student, who surrounds myself with the most talented people, just cause you know i'm now convinced i love misery, i'm a 5 out of 10 girl, the backup, not the best friend, the intelligent one, the beauty, the comic, the bitch, the stupid one, just that one in the background, the phone no on your mobile that you've never phoned, you can't even remember why they are there!
my boyfriend love's me, and for the life of me i have no idea why? he shines, his emotional strengh amazes me, i've never met anyone like him, he's so dumb.
i just want to be anything other than invisable, that's how i feel.
what hurts about being average is that being great is just out of reach, you can see it, you can almost taste it.
when i was fat, i cared less about my figure than i do now i'm average,.

i just want to go, i want to run away so badly, and go on a binge of self destruction, i remember what it was like to be on the edge of losing my mind, i was passionate about everything, the world was crap and that was fine i didn't fuckin care it was raw and scary, i felt more alive when my life was full of chaos and hurt, love and comfort leaves a hole in me, that's why i would never get rid of my scars, they remind me of a time when i was on fire

look at me now, the only drugs i'm on are anti deppressants (me and the rest of the fucking world) no friends, benefits, i'm lucky if i have a night out,
getting drunk on my own and not one person to run to if i should need them, if anyone does read this by the way i should tell you i wasn't expecting anyone too, it just felt nice to write and feel like it was going somewere, i don't expect anyone to read this far any way, i'm not emo, o.k?, just a girl who feel's like she's living the wrong life
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