So i am writing right now because i was laying in bed basically talking to myself with all this shit running thourgh my head, and i thought that maybe if i just write some of this down and get it out of me, then maybe just maybe i can stop crying...and if i can stop crying if the tears will stop falling for just a minute, then maybe i can sleep...
Im sure this babble was better in my head but let me try.
I am so sad, and i hurt so much that i dont know what to do anymore. I have never felt like this before and frankley it scares me. I haven't slept in days, and i cant stop crying, everything i do makes me cry, and the tears wont stop.
I just miss him... miss him liike nothing else, and i guess this isnt a recent thing, its more progressive i think, something that has been building up over time. I remember the exact second that things changed in me, and that i began to feel like this.
She was gone, i got to spend a lot of time with him that week, because that was going to be it, i was going to have to say goodbye, i didnt understand why, i just knew that i had to let go and i didnt want to. Point is, that last day, before i walked out that door, i was crying, and i saw a tear fall from his face, and that killed me more than anything i have ever seen, and i knew that when i walked out that door, everything was going to be different.
Well something in me died that day.... I knew it the second i left and i feel it now....My hope died. Im a hopeless romantic...and at that point i had done everything i possibly could, i even said the "L" Word, which i dont use nor do i particulary like because it is way over used. Anyhow, i said it because i couldnt walk away without trying everything, without letting him know how i felt, I thought if this is really over then ive already lost so what the hell.
Well when i walked out, my hope died and with it a part of me died. You see, it wasnt just knowing that he didnt want to be with me, it was knowing that i had tried to give him every part of me, and everything that i was, my whole world, and he still choose her....
That was months ago, but that hope that had held me together for the last year dissapered, and now all i fell is bitterness, and i keep wondering if only i could of done more, or something else then maybe just maybe....
This has not made me feel any better in fact i am crying harder now than before. so i guess i will leave.
Perhaps one day i will get my chance, maybe not, i dont really know. At least at the end of it all i will have the experience.
~Lexie~
Im sure this babble was better in my head but let me try.
I am so sad, and i hurt so much that i dont know what to do anymore. I have never felt like this before and frankley it scares me. I haven't slept in days, and i cant stop crying, everything i do makes me cry, and the tears wont stop.
I just miss him... miss him liike nothing else, and i guess this isnt a recent thing, its more progressive i think, something that has been building up over time. I remember the exact second that things changed in me, and that i began to feel like this.
She was gone, i got to spend a lot of time with him that week, because that was going to be it, i was going to have to say goodbye, i didnt understand why, i just knew that i had to let go and i didnt want to. Point is, that last day, before i walked out that door, i was crying, and i saw a tear fall from his face, and that killed me more than anything i have ever seen, and i knew that when i walked out that door, everything was going to be different.
Well something in me died that day.... I knew it the second i left and i feel it now....My hope died. Im a hopeless romantic...and at that point i had done everything i possibly could, i even said the "L" Word, which i dont use nor do i particulary like because it is way over used. Anyhow, i said it because i couldnt walk away without trying everything, without letting him know how i felt, I thought if this is really over then ive already lost so what the hell.
Well when i walked out, my hope died and with it a part of me died. You see, it wasnt just knowing that he didnt want to be with me, it was knowing that i had tried to give him every part of me, and everything that i was, my whole world, and he still choose her....
That was months ago, but that hope that had held me together for the last year dissapered, and now all i fell is bitterness, and i keep wondering if only i could of done more, or something else then maybe just maybe....
This has not made me feel any better in fact i am crying harder now than before. so i guess i will leave.
Perhaps one day i will get my chance, maybe not, i dont really know. At least at the end of it all i will have the experience.
~Lexie~
take care ->