Despite the sex and partying I cannot seem to be happy. It sounds horrible to say those things because I know that they won't truely make me happy but they keep my mind off of the things that are wrong in my life. Most days I don't want to get out of bed. Sometimes I cry or get angry for no reason. And instead of going to hang out with my friends I want to be alone. My brother has been battling depression for 2 years now. I've seen him try to hurt himself and I've seen him in a psychiatric ward. I'm always so focused on how he is that I neglect to think of myself. I have a hard time expressing my emotions and I usually hide them very well. I wear a disguise to fool everyone around me and I even tend to fool myself.

I've decided to take a break from SG and the internet in general. I'm going to stop drinking and smoking and see a therapist. Hopefully something will end this. Until then bye.