lessismore

well. now the problem is worse. dad called me today and said that his counselor didn't think he needed to be in detox anymore. he asked if he could maybe come stay with me for ten days to walk around and drink water.
i knew he was full of shit. the first thing he said on the message was, "hey baby, im sick as hell". he sounded awful, as usual. well anyway, i knew him wanting to come here, or him saying they didn't need him there, was a lie. it was just an attempt to get more drugs. to come out and fuck up. im not that stupid.
so i called his counselor a few minutes ago. he said dad needed to stay in rehab, because if he gets out he will fuck up again. i knew it. he said i needed to say NO he cannot stay here for ten days. he said if i let dad stay here id come home to a house with nothing in it one day. i don't know if that's necessarily what would happen, but you never know. i never know. the counselor said he couldn't believe when dad said he wanted to leave to stay with his daughter. he said that's just fucked up cause he knew hed be screwing me over. screwing my life over....
so it comes down to this. when i talk to my dad, i need to tell him no, he cannot stay here, because i love him. i love him too much to support the shit he NEEDs to bad to get back in to. this is a very fucking hard thing for me to do. imagine. i love this man to death and i know that deep inside he loves me the same, and would do anything for me. he just has to find that place and try to get out of the hole that he has dug for himself. i can't bring him up anymore. the only help he sees that i can give is to let him come here only to fuck up again, and i can't have that. i cannot help him die. i just can't do it....