if you haven't noticed yet, i am my own friend.
think.
ok well i just got off work. im trying to meet cool people on here so i can harrass them since most of my life while not at work is online. fucking pathetic. but this is how i like it...
time for me to go to the huddle house. im fucking starving. i have all sorts of shit here to make but don't have the shit you need to make it. like milk, eggs, any of that shite. so that's no good. just thought id share.
got in contact with the guy i call dad today. he called a few days ago saying he was in rehab. i hadn't heard from him a long time, so it was weird. i automatically started crying when i heard his voice on my answering machine. i always knew he was sick, really sick. he has been a junky for about 30 some odd years... he is very fucking sick and was taking methadone.. ends up now, on the message he said he was in detox kicking the methadone. his voice was trembling. he was falling apart. he always kept himself together through shit like this, when i asked how he was he'd just lie and say how great he was, that he was clean, when i knew that wasn't ever the case. he always felt like such a piece of shit but i have never stopped loving him. he is a smart man and ... i wish so much better for him.
so anyway, he said he's in a 28 day program and is going to be sent off to a long term program far away permanently. i didn't get to see him. he can't have visitors, but i am going to try. at this point in his life he needs to know that someone cares, you know? and i do. i love him to DEATH and miss him. i dont know exactly what he's going through, but a little of it. i want him to know that i care, that i love him, and that im always here for him no matter what a piece of shit he thinks he is.. does that make sense? it does to me, and maybe only me, who knows. so anyway, when i talked to him, i finally got to TALK to him instead of only hearing messages... he finally admitted that he wasn't doing well. that he was sick as hell. that he has Hep C, and sirosis (sp?) of the liver. he said his skin is almost yellow from the disease. he said he's sick as fuck. but that he thinks of me every day... it's really fucking depressing. times like this i just want to bring him up instead of push him further down. i need to find out how i can see him... before he's too far to touch
think.
ok well i just got off work. im trying to meet cool people on here so i can harrass them since most of my life while not at work is online. fucking pathetic. but this is how i like it...
time for me to go to the huddle house. im fucking starving. i have all sorts of shit here to make but don't have the shit you need to make it. like milk, eggs, any of that shite. so that's no good. just thought id share.
got in contact with the guy i call dad today. he called a few days ago saying he was in rehab. i hadn't heard from him a long time, so it was weird. i automatically started crying when i heard his voice on my answering machine. i always knew he was sick, really sick. he has been a junky for about 30 some odd years... he is very fucking sick and was taking methadone.. ends up now, on the message he said he was in detox kicking the methadone. his voice was trembling. he was falling apart. he always kept himself together through shit like this, when i asked how he was he'd just lie and say how great he was, that he was clean, when i knew that wasn't ever the case. he always felt like such a piece of shit but i have never stopped loving him. he is a smart man and ... i wish so much better for him.
so anyway, he said he's in a 28 day program and is going to be sent off to a long term program far away permanently. i didn't get to see him. he can't have visitors, but i am going to try. at this point in his life he needs to know that someone cares, you know? and i do. i love him to DEATH and miss him. i dont know exactly what he's going through, but a little of it. i want him to know that i care, that i love him, and that im always here for him no matter what a piece of shit he thinks he is.. does that make sense? it does to me, and maybe only me, who knows. so anyway, when i talked to him, i finally got to TALK to him instead of only hearing messages... he finally admitted that he wasn't doing well. that he was sick as hell. that he has Hep C, and sirosis (sp?) of the liver. he said his skin is almost yellow from the disease. he said he's sick as fuck. but that he thinks of me every day... it's really fucking depressing. times like this i just want to bring him up instead of push him further down. i need to find out how i can see him... before he's too far to touch
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
i know how it is to have addiction in the family.... sounds like you are doing a good job dealing with it though... be strong- you sound really positive about things given circumstance.... take care and have a good day- thanks for the info about the flashy picture thing too- later
good luck with all the issues with your father. support, love and understanding are about the only things we can give. funny how they are often the most important and the most lacking.