Sunday I was assembling metal shelving in my garage. I was trying to force it together and it kept slipping. I said out loud, "I'm going to cut my hand off" and then proceeded to make a really deep cut in my right index finger.
Big deal? Well I only type with 2 fingers and I type all day. Not to mention your right index finger is your clicking finger. I can point but I can not click. Now I know how Hellen Keller felt. I've had to relearn everything.
And I went and got a tetanus shot just to be on the safe side. I felt like a bit of a deuschbag because
Yes it was deep, but it was still just my finger, and it was not even bleeding when I went to the doctor. (I actually finished building the shelves, because that's just how I roll.)
But I always tell myself I would rather live like a deushbag than die like one. I like to scuba dive, I've jumped off cliffs. I've raced go carts, I've stood up before the car comes to a complete stop. I live on the edge. But I never want to do something that I would be embarassed to die from.
For example, when you go to the amusement park and they strap you into a sling shot? There is no good reason to do this. My test of deushbagness is to imagine them calling my mom.
"Your son is dead"
(In my dream version my mom gets very upset)
"What happened?"
"He strapped himself into a giant slingshot at the amusement park"
"My son? Are you sure it wasn't some deushbag?"
(Thanks mom)
So I'm not about to die from sticking my finger if all I need to do is get a tenus shot. I'm not afraid of needles, or doctors. Although my doctor could barely speak English which always makes me crazy.
Because it means one of 2 things.
Either they went to medical school in some backwards country
Or they went to medical school here, and I'll be damned if they didn't miss something because as I said, they can barely speak English.
She tried to explain what I should put on my finger, and I couldn't understand her. I almost let it slide, but then I remembered that time I bought those Gremlins and didn't listen and fed them after midnight, and got them wet, and all of the shit that happened with that.
My dog is such a good boy. Look how cute he is. And he doesn't like everybody. And I respect that sooo much. Why should my dog like everybody? I don't like everybody. I don't want my dog to be a phony putting on airs. It wouldn't be him. He eats poop. He's very down to earth. He has learned how to open the doors in the new house. So he can go anywhere he wants unless we lock the doors. and then we can't get in. It's just a matter of putting your finger nail in the slot but it's kind of a pain in the ass.
One last thought. My dog follows me everywhere. So when I go in the bathroom to poop, he's right with me. But he always looks at me like "You know we're not supposed to do that in the house, right?" I always say, "when you pay the morgage you can shit in the house."
Big deal? Well I only type with 2 fingers and I type all day. Not to mention your right index finger is your clicking finger. I can point but I can not click. Now I know how Hellen Keller felt. I've had to relearn everything.
And I went and got a tetanus shot just to be on the safe side. I felt like a bit of a deuschbag because
Yes it was deep, but it was still just my finger, and it was not even bleeding when I went to the doctor. (I actually finished building the shelves, because that's just how I roll.)
But I always tell myself I would rather live like a deushbag than die like one. I like to scuba dive, I've jumped off cliffs. I've raced go carts, I've stood up before the car comes to a complete stop. I live on the edge. But I never want to do something that I would be embarassed to die from.
For example, when you go to the amusement park and they strap you into a sling shot? There is no good reason to do this. My test of deushbagness is to imagine them calling my mom.
"Your son is dead"
(In my dream version my mom gets very upset)
"What happened?"
"He strapped himself into a giant slingshot at the amusement park"
"My son? Are you sure it wasn't some deushbag?"
(Thanks mom)
So I'm not about to die from sticking my finger if all I need to do is get a tenus shot. I'm not afraid of needles, or doctors. Although my doctor could barely speak English which always makes me crazy.
Because it means one of 2 things.
Either they went to medical school in some backwards country
Or they went to medical school here, and I'll be damned if they didn't miss something because as I said, they can barely speak English.
She tried to explain what I should put on my finger, and I couldn't understand her. I almost let it slide, but then I remembered that time I bought those Gremlins and didn't listen and fed them after midnight, and got them wet, and all of the shit that happened with that.
My dog is such a good boy. Look how cute he is. And he doesn't like everybody. And I respect that sooo much. Why should my dog like everybody? I don't like everybody. I don't want my dog to be a phony putting on airs. It wouldn't be him. He eats poop. He's very down to earth. He has learned how to open the doors in the new house. So he can go anywhere he wants unless we lock the doors. and then we can't get in. It's just a matter of putting your finger nail in the slot but it's kind of a pain in the ass.
One last thought. My dog follows me everywhere. So when I go in the bathroom to poop, he's right with me. But he always looks at me like "You know we're not supposed to do that in the house, right?" I always say, "when you pay the morgage you can shit in the house."
or a deuschebag.
although i never understood the human slingshot things.
usually the medical doctors who don't speak much english are better than the ones that do... i'm not sure why, it's just a fact. even if you can't understand them. i hope your finger gets better soon, watch out for the gremlins and tell your cute dog that kero says hi