Time to retire the last entry. I haven't come to terms with this situation yet, and being reminded of it every time I log onto this site only decelerates recovery. Much love and thanks to each of you who have encouraged me to move on. I know I shouldn't allow an immature jerk to rattle my self-esteem, but such is the consequence of this brief romantic escapade. I'm still hurt and frustrated, but the guilt and the self-doubt is beginning to fade. I will no longer reasses my words and actions when I know I was always sensitive and patient with him. He has chosen to distance himself from me, and the thing that bothers me the most is feeling like I don't even have a friend anymore, let alone a lover. All I want now is to have an open discussion about what has happened, but he is choosing to ignore me. I hope he can grow beyond his childish proclivities sometime soon and confront me like the adult he's supposed to be. Fucking jerk-off.
If any good has resulted from this hoo-ha, it is the quality time I've been spending with myself and with friends. I've been visiting the climbing gym as often as I can, and every time I go, I feel more excited and determined about getting back into shape and to tackling physical activity which I thought was virtually impossible. The sense of accomplishment, of victory rather is so empowering. Scaling walls at relatively intimidating heights is pretty daunting, especially when you're trying to grab onto small holds which are often smooth and void of deep grooves that allow for firm gripping. But the point of all this is to simualte outdoor climbing, and natural rock can be very unaccomodating. Lol.
I'd like to prattle more but I must get back to work. Thanks again to all of who have given me guidance and strength. You know who you are
If any good has resulted from this hoo-ha, it is the quality time I've been spending with myself and with friends. I've been visiting the climbing gym as often as I can, and every time I go, I feel more excited and determined about getting back into shape and to tackling physical activity which I thought was virtually impossible. The sense of accomplishment, of victory rather is so empowering. Scaling walls at relatively intimidating heights is pretty daunting, especially when you're trying to grab onto small holds which are often smooth and void of deep grooves that allow for firm gripping. But the point of all this is to simualte outdoor climbing, and natural rock can be very unaccomodating. Lol.
I'd like to prattle more but I must get back to work. Thanks again to all of who have given me guidance and strength. You know who you are
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
I came by to wish you a happy Valentine's Day, but it sounds like I should have come sooner.
:big hug:
It's okay. You're still alive and still loved.
:forehead to forehead:
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
:stroking/ fixing your hair:
You are a strong, vibrant, intelligent, SENSITIVE, TALENTED, and BEAUTIFUL mowan (hee hee- that was a typo, but it looks funny so i left it. enjoy!
:tilting your head up- eye to eye now:
You WILL be happy
:my hands on your shoulders:
You are a beloved child of the all encompassing force behind all of creation and existence. The exact same consciousness that set infinite universes spinning chose SPECIFICALLY to make YOU, Ms J, & to make you as completely amazing as you are. And you ARE. God is not Ashton Kutcher. You are not being Punk'd (well, maybe- but s/he wouldn't do it without a hell of a consolation prize, trust me
:another hug, whispering in your ear:
...and if you're still upset, how 'bout I bring you the jerks balls on a silver platter? Well, think about it anyway...
:you laugh (hopefully :-P):
There it went... *poof* (It did, right?)
Better now?
:chaste kiss on the cheek:
If its any consolation, you KNOW that you're the only woman for me, and there is always love here if you need it, right? Ok.
Now go do your best. Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid.
-- Goethe (via Cameron Crowe)
"Its get-ting bet-ter all the ti-iiime"
"Better
Better
Bet-ter"
"Get-ting so much bet-ter all the time...."
I LOVE YOU BABY!!!!!!!!!!
P.S.- You've got to know your chicken.
P.P.S.- Steve Jones was on that Jimmy Kimmel / Craig Ferguson / whatever show about a week ago & I forgot to tell you (1k apologies, mistress!). He was a mad bastard (of course). I(f you missed it, I'll give you the skinny.
Cheer up pincess. Its a brand new day.
Well, what are you waiting for?!? Carpe Diem, bitch!!!!
<almost forgot... A Celtic Toast
May those who love us continue to love us.
For those who don't, may God turn their hearts.
If s/he does not turn their hearts, may s/he turn their ankles, so we may know them by their limping.
[Edited on Feb 14, 2005 2:53PM]
ah well I always say if the knife's in your back twist it arround make it murt more then let it bleed out it will feel much better after, I dont know why I say that but its kinda true for me, someone hurts me I make it feel much worse for myself by bringing up the best part of the journey, soon after I tend to become numb to the orginal pain and it all seems to disapear. But hey thats just me and I am typing way too much in your journal,
Good luck