Today has sucked immensely. Hardly any fucker came out that said they were going to. Just got bored and ended up going home early.
I'm not very happy with myself. I got to see this girl again last night, and I just couldn't talk to her. I found it so bloody difficult it was unbelivable. I'm not the kinda guy who gets a lot of attention and such, so if any opportunity to talk to someone I like is there then I should take it. It's not like I'm shy, I am far from that, I just couldn't think of what to say to her at all. I had major mental blockage. And now I cannot stop thinking about how lame I am. I'm not obsessing about her at all, just how fucking useless I can be. I resorted to actually asking her out via text when she'd gone home. Such a charmer me!! What is my malfunction? Why am I 'that' guy? I'm just prime 'friend' material and I can't fucking stand it. I cannot be any different though. I am always me, I can never be anything other than that. It is impossible for me to put on a front or even be the slightest bit false. People say that that's a good thing but it seems to get me nowhere. I'm far too honest and upfront and it seems no one ever respects you for it really. Why can't I be someone else? I wish I was the kinda person I hate cos they always seem to get their own way, going around shitting on everyone.
I swear if it wasn't for Jacqui then I'd have probably got so wrecked last night being as I was hating myself so much. She has this knack of making me like myself. I can't believe I have knew her for such a short period of time really. She knows me better than anybody else, I've got mates I've had 20+ years and she knows me a lot better than them.
Got this week off work. Not doing much. Monday - nowt, Tuesday - should be seeing lil Ruthie for a while, Wednesday - PS2 with Andy, Thursday & Friday - nowt. Am so skint it's not even funny.
I'm not very happy with myself. I got to see this girl again last night, and I just couldn't talk to her. I found it so bloody difficult it was unbelivable. I'm not the kinda guy who gets a lot of attention and such, so if any opportunity to talk to someone I like is there then I should take it. It's not like I'm shy, I am far from that, I just couldn't think of what to say to her at all. I had major mental blockage. And now I cannot stop thinking about how lame I am. I'm not obsessing about her at all, just how fucking useless I can be. I resorted to actually asking her out via text when she'd gone home. Such a charmer me!! What is my malfunction? Why am I 'that' guy? I'm just prime 'friend' material and I can't fucking stand it. I cannot be any different though. I am always me, I can never be anything other than that. It is impossible for me to put on a front or even be the slightest bit false. People say that that's a good thing but it seems to get me nowhere. I'm far too honest and upfront and it seems no one ever respects you for it really. Why can't I be someone else? I wish I was the kinda person I hate cos they always seem to get their own way, going around shitting on everyone.
I swear if it wasn't for Jacqui then I'd have probably got so wrecked last night being as I was hating myself so much. She has this knack of making me like myself. I can't believe I have knew her for such a short period of time really. She knows me better than anybody else, I've got mates I've had 20+ years and she knows me a lot better than them.
Got this week off work. Not doing much. Monday - nowt, Tuesday - should be seeing lil Ruthie for a while, Wednesday - PS2 with Andy, Thursday & Friday - nowt. Am so skint it's not even funny.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
charley:
Haha yeah I guess I could get used to it, would rather not though 
jaqueline_:
getting some reddy-pink in the roses and grey/black shading in the rest. i persoanlly think that would look way better than lots of colour or no colour at all. thank you for your comments though 