lelio

I made it to the beach, went rollerblading around venice on a whim. I fell and cracked my head open, Im writing in this in made up dream world where im still conscience and able to type. In reality all motor functions have ceased. they think im a vegetable, A carrot perhaps. I always liked carrots. back when i actually ate. now im fed through a clear bag that hangs above my bed.

i can still simulate sensory input. no in and out though, Just a closed loop. Its weird, being dead to the world. not any more weird than being alive in the world i guess, but in a different way. I guess ive realised this is 'isnt' now and its made everything seem more concrete and solid than ever before. It's like Ive finally gotten down to the basics that i was afraid to face in the real world. All i have are my thoughts and feelings. I wish i could meet Descartes and shake his hand. I guess if i concentrate i actually could here. But i dont wanna get into that kind of thing yet. I think ill just enjoy the buzz for awhile.


its kinda lonely though, everyone i meet is fake and it makes me unsure how to talk to them.

Ok so everyone i meet is a part of me then right? except there really is no "me" any more only 'this'. and i am an imaginary part of this just like you, my imaginary constant readers are another part of 'this'. When i shake your hand at what exact point does mine end and yours begin?

So my feelings of alienation stem from my misinterpretation that i am somehow more real than you. willpower doesnt seem to be enough to change things, or perhaps its even counteracting change.