lego_

Have realised I'm pretty fucked up at the moment.

Decided my mood swings, which are pretty apparent if you read back through my blogs to the New Year, have been symptomatic of quite a serious problem.

Fortunately, I know what the problem is. I've been numb to it for quite a while now, but this week I've gone through the classic sadness/guilt/anger etc. process, which I hope is a good sign that I'm finally coming to terms with it. It's taking a while because there's some really strong emotions and it's taking me a while to allow them in, bit-by-bit.

I hope that it'll sort itself out on its own, because frankly I don't know who I'd tell about how I'm feeling and why I'm feeling it if it doesn't.

Update:
Went for lunch today with a friend from home who's living in Denmark at the moment. Wasn't expecting him to be much help, but the little he said helped quite a bit.

Discussed some of the crazy stuff that's been going through my head, and realised that it's not as crazy as it seemed.
He advised me to say I forgive myself 3 times a day. Not sure if it's gonna work, but I'm gonna give it a try- can't see it doing any harm.

Am feeling a bit better about things already, now that I've had someone to really get it all out to. Will probably feel even better when the vast amount of caffeine I've consumed today gets out of my system. I'm losing track of the number of times I've overdone it this year- I'm not an addict, honest!

Talked to my ex on AIM this evening- I'm not sure if time's healing things or whether I'm just in enough pain that I'll talk to anyone right now, but it went quite well. Not really ready to discuss her relationship with her guy yet, though, and I'm still of the opinion she's a dumbass, but I'm not sure the latter part will change any time soon, if ever...