Listen up America.
A serious issue has come to my attention and I feel it needs to be broached this evening.
One of my friends in AZ (a friend of my beloved), sent me some candy for a birthday/valentine's present. Now, I appreciate the gift and some of it was very nice (Tootsie Rolls, yes please!), but I'm concerned by a couple of items.
First of all, chocolate.
In hot desert states such as AZ, the recipe for chocolate has to be modified slightly to make sure it doesn't melt. However, does that mean that the chocolate has to be powdery?
Or taste unpleasant?
Do they not have taste tests in the US?
Bad chocolate makes Lego sad.
I'm beginning to feel how much American kids who stuff themselves with chocolate must hate themselves to do such a thing.
Secondly. Sweethearts.
This is another product we have in Britain (branded as Lovehearts)- compressed sugar with sometimes slightly cryptic, terse phrases printed on the front.
Differences:
Sweethearts are heart shaped come in little bags. Lovehearts are larger and round, which means they can be put into tubes; the heart shape is printed onto the face in the same ink as the message. This is purely a matter of aesthetics, in my opinion.
Lovehearts taste like large "Smarties". (These are called "Swizzers" in Britain. British Smarties are sugar-coated chocolate, made by 3rd World exploiter Nestle, but we'll leave that topic for another day)
Sweethearts taste like dentists' mouthwash. I bit through one as I am accustomed to doing with Lovehearts and nearly spat it out in surprise. Flavour. It's all about flavour, America. The thought of Americans giving their lovers Sweethearts on Monday made me die a little on the inside.
Having eaten a handful of Sweethearts, I became aware of something lodged in my throat. Having had a throat infection recently, I was expecting something stringy and yellow to be the culprit. Coughing up the offending article into the sink it was indeed stringy, but yellow it was not. PINK. Sweethearts gave me pink mucus in my throat. This isn't good.
I shall be in Arizona for a week on Monday- I intend to bring nice sweets with me ("candy" if you will) in an effort to educate America in quality confectionary.
So strongly do I feel about this that the first 5 American residents that send me their mailing address through my profile will receive a care package of quality European merchandise.
I am serious. Your deadline for this offer is Saturday.
A serious issue has come to my attention and I feel it needs to be broached this evening.
One of my friends in AZ (a friend of my beloved), sent me some candy for a birthday/valentine's present. Now, I appreciate the gift and some of it was very nice (Tootsie Rolls, yes please!), but I'm concerned by a couple of items.
First of all, chocolate.
In hot desert states such as AZ, the recipe for chocolate has to be modified slightly to make sure it doesn't melt. However, does that mean that the chocolate has to be powdery?
Or taste unpleasant?
Do they not have taste tests in the US?
Bad chocolate makes Lego sad.
I'm beginning to feel how much American kids who stuff themselves with chocolate must hate themselves to do such a thing.
Secondly. Sweethearts.
This is another product we have in Britain (branded as Lovehearts)- compressed sugar with sometimes slightly cryptic, terse phrases printed on the front.
Differences:
Sweethearts are heart shaped come in little bags. Lovehearts are larger and round, which means they can be put into tubes; the heart shape is printed onto the face in the same ink as the message. This is purely a matter of aesthetics, in my opinion.
Lovehearts taste like large "Smarties". (These are called "Swizzers" in Britain. British Smarties are sugar-coated chocolate, made by 3rd World exploiter Nestle, but we'll leave that topic for another day)
Sweethearts taste like dentists' mouthwash. I bit through one as I am accustomed to doing with Lovehearts and nearly spat it out in surprise. Flavour. It's all about flavour, America. The thought of Americans giving their lovers Sweethearts on Monday made me die a little on the inside.
Having eaten a handful of Sweethearts, I became aware of something lodged in my throat. Having had a throat infection recently, I was expecting something stringy and yellow to be the culprit. Coughing up the offending article into the sink it was indeed stringy, but yellow it was not. PINK. Sweethearts gave me pink mucus in my throat. This isn't good.
I shall be in Arizona for a week on Monday- I intend to bring nice sweets with me ("candy" if you will) in an effort to educate America in quality confectionary.
So strongly do I feel about this that the first 5 American residents that send me their mailing address through my profile will receive a care package of quality European merchandise.
I am serious. Your deadline for this offer is Saturday.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
...I don't think that I have ever had bad chocolate...
Hope the trip goes well...
Why Arizona?
...I could have done without the pink mucus...thanks.