lego_

A few months ago I wrote a post that concluded something along the lines of:
"I've come to realise this: if it gets to the point where someone suspects you've done wrong, you're screwed". This, for those of you that don't remember, was linked to the 11th commandment "Thou shalt not get found out" and the Shakespearean idea that "He doth protest too much"-- that you can never convincingly defend your innocence.
[I apologise for the preceding horrible paraphrasing of both my own and other people's writing]

In a slightly different vein, I've been aware for a while that in certain circumstances it's important not to ask either, because you can offend people by just the suggestion that they may not be thinking the same way as you. Indeed, even with a cast-iron explanation for why you asked and with the person's best intentions at heart, you can apparently do irrepairable damage to a friendship by suggesting that say, the other person may have ulterior motives for their actions.

But now I'm caught in a quandry. On the one hand, the logical conclusion to both these observations is to not give away anything about your own actions and not to ask about anyone else's. On the other, there is the problem that grievances that go unaired and observations that are not dealt with in the right manner-- with honesty and openness-- fester and cause greater problems in the long-term.

So what do we do? Do we pick a preference of these two options and let our actions be guided by it, or do we judge every instance in an erratic, case-by-case fashion?

Yes, of course, these thoughts have been inspired by life's bitter trials. In the space of a few short days I have offended a conservative friend by suggesting I was more liberal and a liberal friend by suggesting I was more conservative. I've also managed to alienate a friend who sat on the fence by picking a side and discovering it was the wrong one.

In my more empassioned thoughts this evening, it occured to me that life is about serendipity. It's inevitable that you will find yourself in situations such as these in life and that you will have no control over the desires of the people by whom you will find yourself surrounded. "You can please some of the people, some of the time..." as they say. In the absence of being able to predict the will of people in advance (in my case, at least) and being unable to ask a person or people their opinion without causing offence, it seems to me the only thing you or I can do is be true to our own will and desires and hope to reach a compromise or an amicable parting of ways when those desires don't align with whoever should come against them.