Wednesday Jun 06, 2007

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Lust: any intense desire or craving for self gratification VS. Love: a constellation of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection or profound oneness. A constellation? A constellation! Why did I leave her? I don't really know, but having spent time with her this week end I feel more than ever that I was mistaken. I am by nature impulsive, and mostly I think of that as an attribute. This time I'm beginning to realize I acted impulsively which seems to be very different. Is there a difference? FUCK YES! Being impulsive is be willing. Acting impulsively is not considering what the consequences are. I want her back, but I keep playing it cool. I keep waiting for her to say she'd have me. It's laughable really. I expect the world of someone who has already given it to me. I went climbing with her this week end......*sigh*.......

What should I do? I try to tell her, but I don't want her to run away when she finds out my intent. AAAAAAHHHHHHHH! That just sounds like more lies. I wouldn't be where I am now if I would have just been honest in the first place.

She's on a road trip for the next ten days and I can't stand to think of her not being close enough for me to (at least) try to tell her. It's been a year since she was mine. I've hung out with other people and all of them were compared to her. It wasn't fair, but none of them had a fucking shot. She's beautiful, smart, nice, good, athletic, honest, pure, helpful, loving....................................................................................
......................................................................., and not mine. What do I do? I guess I just want you all to tell me to tell her this, but I don't know if I can. Is it lame to write it to her? Am I crazy (Haha I know the answer to that)?

mocha:
i recommend you print out this journal and give it to her. because your intention here is simply to get out how you feel, and not 'say the right thing' to her. i'd really love to read someones journal about me, instead of hear what they've been rehearsing saying.

the worst thing that can happen is she says no, but at least it's all out on the table, right?
asilanne:
You know your going to tell her. wouldn't you rather be disappointed with her answer than with yourself for not having the guts to ask. As for written or in person that kind of depends on her. Would she want you to be completely up front, or would she want a chance to think or consider before being forced to react?

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