you know, i love you guys, but working for a porn site really does a number on the self esteem. i was feeling pretty cute today because i had my hair done up in some little dreddy buns & i had time to put on makeup before i went to work. and i was wearing tight pants. and i realized while i was feelin' cute that it was the first time i'd felt cute in a long time. i think because i'm just surrounded by hot babes who are younger than me on this site. and self esteem has really never been a problem for me before. i'm NOT fishing for compliments. i don't want to care if anyone on this site thinks i'm pretty or not. but it's a weird position to be in, because i'm here, and in some way i am participating.
as with most things that are community oriented or socially oriented, i'd rather interact through working on the project than being completely social. like, i am SO HAPPY to be working for SG, it's so much more comfortable of a way for me to be involved with a project than to just be a model or be a cheerleader. like, i'd rather help throw parties and work door at the club than i would just go to a party or club.
anyway i was just realizing today, i am cute. and there's really nothing wrong with me. i was feeling really bad for a while there, like, i was thinking, i should go to aveda and get some kind of anti aging creme, because my eyes always have like, some bags under them. but today i realized that i am just working jobs (i also work retail in a foofy store) that are based on beauty, or attractiveness of some sort, and it's really just kind of insidious the effect that can have on you.
which isn't to say that there is something wrong with either of my jobs, i actually love everything right now, it was just kind of funny to suddenly realize that there's nothing wrong with me, that my environment is just kind of specific and i have to keep things in perspective.
um anyway, no one read that.
ok!
i'm tired.
as with most things that are community oriented or socially oriented, i'd rather interact through working on the project than being completely social. like, i am SO HAPPY to be working for SG, it's so much more comfortable of a way for me to be involved with a project than to just be a model or be a cheerleader. like, i'd rather help throw parties and work door at the club than i would just go to a party or club.
anyway i was just realizing today, i am cute. and there's really nothing wrong with me. i was feeling really bad for a while there, like, i was thinking, i should go to aveda and get some kind of anti aging creme, because my eyes always have like, some bags under them. but today i realized that i am just working jobs (i also work retail in a foofy store) that are based on beauty, or attractiveness of some sort, and it's really just kind of insidious the effect that can have on you.
which isn't to say that there is something wrong with either of my jobs, i actually love everything right now, it was just kind of funny to suddenly realize that there's nothing wrong with me, that my environment is just kind of specific and i have to keep things in perspective.
um anyway, no one read that.
ok!
i'm tired.
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anyway, though...
you work for sg which has me and probably many of the other sgs and about a gazillion random people real awful jealous of you anyway, so don't fret. we love you!