le

i'm a little confused today. i think i have been depressed lately. maybe the time change over to daylight savings has fucked me up. i have been sleeping at the wrong times and not seeing people. it has been strangely satisfying tho. i start thinking i should call someone or deal with my bills and then i just get a storm cloud over my head like the count, and i scowl, and think, NO, I DONT WANT TO AND IM NOT GOING TO. as if something has been done to me.

i feel like i am 'waking up' a little tho. i go through these periods of.. absence. it's like a little depressive hibernation and i am not fully present for that time. then i 'wake up' and look back on the previous months/weeks/years and think, god, i was depressed huh?

today my person told me that i am more unhappy than happy. but he likes to say that things are Good or Bad. he is very boolean in that way. i think i am more neutral than anything else.

i also was reminded today that i am not funny, and general not that Fun to be around except in rare times. i play other roles besides Fun though. like, Intense Conversation About Spirituality at 4am. haha.

i have been craving fried tofu since i woke up (at 530am! cant sleep lately). i am going to rectify the situation now.