le

february seems crappy. a lot of my friends are depressed and discouraged. i feel like we're all recovering from periods of high optimism with periods of trial-by-fire. i'm just trying to maintain and get things done. it's hard, i'm losing the big picture, what was i doing again? what am i working toward? anything?

one thing i have definitely realized this week is that i need to take better care of my health and my spirit. that is, eat real food, vitamins, and make time for yoga and meditation. no matter what else is happening.

i guess i was thinking that i wished i could retreat into an ashram, or back into seasonal employment at retreat centers, but it's not real - it's a bubble. it's such an inviting bubble but there must be a way to feel safe and accepted in the rest of society. and to bring it to others. is there?

i would like to learn to drive so that i can go north for the weekends and sit and read sleepily on the porch overlooking a gorge. in fairy rings of redwood trees. there's a person inside of me that my tribe fell in love with and that person is hiding right now. i'd like to be able to find her again and give her back to the world.