ok. i am going to be good and write a real entry now.
i miss elara. do you ever have a feeling that you just intrinsically understand someone, and nothing else matters? mundanities of getting-to-know the other person come second after the initial feeling of being comforted by their presence. i have that feeling about elara, tho it sounds a little creepy i know, at least i'm a fellow Girl and not a sketchy member right? heh.
i don't know, i have that feeling a lot. my whole summer was about that, in some ways. knowing that you love someone and were meant to be around them, before you even know their last name, where they are from, what kind of toothpaste they use, etc. in many ways this is more real, though it may be something that only happens to certain kinds of people, and that is ok too.
i have been having a pretty rough time re-aligning myself to living in a city. my whole world changed this summer and i'm working so hard not to let go of the good things i found in myself and in other people and in life in general. it's very difficult though. everything i do that was part of my Old Life (pre-summer), i question. like updating this journal for instance. my inclination is to pull a total scorpio trick - complete destruction. it's so much cleaner that way, so much less scary.
instead, i'm trying to use positive discernment and conciousness to sort out what i can keep and what is unhealthy for me. it's such a blurry line. is updating this journal unhealthy, because it means i'm online, and i am afraid of becoming too dependent on being online again? i'm afraid of losing the parts of myself that i gained from being physically involved in the world around me, having real long conversations with lots of people all day every day, and being outdoors more than indoors. unfortunately there is no way to recreate that in the city - i need to be indoors working on websites i owe people, and i just don't have the sheer volume of awake and alive beautiful people around me anymore to talk to.
so, it's been rough. my inclination is to flee back into the forest, and i would, i honestly would, but i became part of a new family out there, and they are all coming here to spend the winter in san francisco with me and hopefully make art and make money and give and receive love. so, for them, i stay in san francisco for now. can they help me create an active life full of positivity, hope, and spirit? i think they can.
but i don't really know where you guys fit into all this. my life is so scattered in so many directions. being on SG is kind of weird, i don't know what it means, i'm not sure i'm interested in it. but it's here, and maybe it's just another means for me to learn about being on planet earth and what that's for.
so, thanks, if you read all that, it's all very personal rambling from my end. i hope you're all having good lives and noticing the nice things around you, like the sky, and the different intricate ways that the people you love move their heads and hands. eat some fruit today.
i miss elara. do you ever have a feeling that you just intrinsically understand someone, and nothing else matters? mundanities of getting-to-know the other person come second after the initial feeling of being comforted by their presence. i have that feeling about elara, tho it sounds a little creepy i know, at least i'm a fellow Girl and not a sketchy member right? heh.
i don't know, i have that feeling a lot. my whole summer was about that, in some ways. knowing that you love someone and were meant to be around them, before you even know their last name, where they are from, what kind of toothpaste they use, etc. in many ways this is more real, though it may be something that only happens to certain kinds of people, and that is ok too.
i have been having a pretty rough time re-aligning myself to living in a city. my whole world changed this summer and i'm working so hard not to let go of the good things i found in myself and in other people and in life in general. it's very difficult though. everything i do that was part of my Old Life (pre-summer), i question. like updating this journal for instance. my inclination is to pull a total scorpio trick - complete destruction. it's so much cleaner that way, so much less scary.
instead, i'm trying to use positive discernment and conciousness to sort out what i can keep and what is unhealthy for me. it's such a blurry line. is updating this journal unhealthy, because it means i'm online, and i am afraid of becoming too dependent on being online again? i'm afraid of losing the parts of myself that i gained from being physically involved in the world around me, having real long conversations with lots of people all day every day, and being outdoors more than indoors. unfortunately there is no way to recreate that in the city - i need to be indoors working on websites i owe people, and i just don't have the sheer volume of awake and alive beautiful people around me anymore to talk to.
so, it's been rough. my inclination is to flee back into the forest, and i would, i honestly would, but i became part of a new family out there, and they are all coming here to spend the winter in san francisco with me and hopefully make art and make money and give and receive love. so, for them, i stay in san francisco for now. can they help me create an active life full of positivity, hope, and spirit? i think they can.
but i don't really know where you guys fit into all this. my life is so scattered in so many directions. being on SG is kind of weird, i don't know what it means, i'm not sure i'm interested in it. but it's here, and maybe it's just another means for me to learn about being on planet earth and what that's for.
so, thanks, if you read all that, it's all very personal rambling from my end. i hope you're all having good lives and noticing the nice things around you, like the sky, and the different intricate ways that the people you love move their heads and hands. eat some fruit today.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
it's silly.
it's fun.
it's a bizzarre little online community. there is no "place" is anyone's lives for sg other than recreation. don't try and find a deep meaning. i mean, i have my uplifting the principles of positive pornography and the overall view girls have of ourselfs and eachother, but if it wasn't fun, i wouldn't do it.
and get the hell out of the city if you aren't happy. sf must be scary after the woods. portland is scary for me after farming in the pacific. but i'm happy anyhow. if you aren't in sf, you know where you found it. right?
xoxoxoxo-eris