ldwarren

First of all..Well done Liverpool; fucking brilliant.

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Now for feature presentation

WAR!

This journal has been building within me for weeks. I took time out from the site and online and it worked. I realize that this is going to be my most pretentious journal ever but so be it, I've done enough intentionally silly ones in my time..

I saw Star Wars III tonight. I liked it a lot. Yes it was silly but the film has taken on a weird significance to me; its a symbol. When I went AWOL for a bit I put up a few profile pics to state my mood. The first was a rear view mirror with a huge apache helicopter filling it, translation = the past threatening/unsettling me. The second pic was half Anakin as a kid and it morphing into Darth Vader.

I liked Star Wars a lot as a kid. My dad took me to see Empire Strikes Back at the time and of course I was hooked. I loved the figures. I had 50 figures and ones you only got through sending off the tokens. My tip for collecting figures? REFUSE to leave a toy shop unless you get one. I tried this once and my Dad rightly hauled me out the shop..but they also bought me the figure to make me happier in the evening when I had learnt my lesson.

Everytime my brother got a new car, I got a new figure. I didnt use them for war though (well apart from me and my brother's legendery rolling-marble wars) but used them to play pretend football.

(bateman has lost the plot hasn't he?)

I think I have been changing recently. Progression is difficult so it might appear that I'm losing my mind and at times I've been worried myself. Some things have happened recently which have just been odd. I sat on my bed the other night and my head spun and it felt like I was ready to see a vision but after a few minutes it cleared. Also...

I woke up Monday and my face looked fucked. The skin is calming down now but it was so red and bad it looked like I had been attacked with a blowtorch...

..or fell face down into hot lava.

I just couldnt help but identify with Anakin's plight. Used, played to further other people's whims, faced with losing the love in his life, he couldnt control the rages that were engulfing him and started destroying everything around him.

His choices were ultimately wrong but stemmed from the desire to lose his victim status.

I know I've become harder to like/please recently. Whether it's a good or bad thing is not known yet. I'm becoming a stronger person within myself but am I losing out on compassion/understanding? Is losing my faith/patience in certain people justified?

I think I did better than Anakin in one respect, when Yoda delivered this line I almost gasped as it sank in:


Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.