ldwarren

I didnt have a hangover on Sunday (well my voice was husky as fuck, as birthday boy will confirm), at least not in body. For some reason I felt really down about myself, it started in the morning and by the evening it had engulfed me.

I struggle with self-esteem really. Sometimes I forget I have any issues, sometimes I can cope and occasionally my skies go black and Im unable to shift my feet.

Im not a depressive person, Ive never identified with anything approaching suicidal behaviour or an inability to shake off the negativity over a long period of time. Sadness doesnt cripple me. But..Im moody and emotional and I realize that its something I will probably never conquer.

I identify with with my very fave musical artists - Morrissey, Fiona Apple and Juliana Hatfield (I can hear a collective groan sweeping SG as those familiar names get rolled out again) and they get tagged with being miserable and depressive. Personally I would concede there are depressive elements to their personalities but overall they are too passionate, too emotional, too easily bruised and a lot of it can be linked to low self-esteem:

Moz: I wear black on the outside, because black is how I feel on the inside

Fiona: Dont be down when my demeanor tends to disappoint, its hard enough even trying to be civil to myself

Juliana: Im ugly with a capital U, I dont need a mirror to tell me it's true.

See?

Ive got really quite drunk at recent SG meet-ups and to people who havent me before I guess Im coming across as a clown but I've drank loads as Im edgy meeting new people and feel as though the sober Leon might not be enough to win people over. As I get to know people more it's natural that I'll calm down more.

So, yeah. I was pretty down yesterday and it took the good efforts of Iggy & Baise to prop me up again. As ever, you both take the frown and turn it round, I wish I lived nearer to you both, I really do.

So im better now and its all settling down. Time to cheer myself up more..where's that Interpol album got to?