lb

Well i have to admit i do hate myself at this moment, bad, and this isnt a whoa is me thing either, basically because of my laziness and my lack of motivation and my stupidity i have pretty much fucked my marraige, i love this woman more then anything but it has become paintfully clear that being with me is hurting her more then anyting. When i left radio i was stupid enough to write a blog about it on my mypace and now that there are a few jobs open i come to find they all read that blog and in it i insulted our clients and others, that was beyond stupid, well that has fucked that job and no matter how much i apply for others it never seems to pan out. And we can NOT afford our house and bills on the shit money i make now. It has reached the point where she has made it very clear we are over, i move into the second bedroom try to come up with money for the house then get out....i dont know what to do, i will have this poseted in multipale locations, so to everyone and anyone whom has ever been a friend i thank you all so much, i do not deserve friends like you, or friends at all. im not going to do anything stupid like suicide but it seems like the only way out at this point, i have nothing to fall back on i have no prospects. I will never ever forgive myself for what i have put her and her family through. they took me in and treated me like a son and i have just shit all over that. I have no idea what i am going to do. I cant even see a reason to live now, again im not going to do anyting stupid but who knows what im going to do.