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I just don't know what to do or say anymore, last time this happened I thought I would have fixed it by now. When I say things I mean them, and I mean that im going to do them. I know that the job I have now will pay off, it may take longer then I or her wants but I know it will pay off in time. I know I have set us back further then we can be with what we have coming up, but I just don't know what to do. I wish I knew how to respond when I am getting yelled at, I wish I knew how not to be afraid, im a 29 year old 6'5 man and yes im scared of my wife. Not scared like "oh know she will hurt me" more scared of getting yelled at, I know its pathetic, im not a kid who should be scared of being punished, but I am scared of when she yells, because I know she is hurting and most of the time its probably my fault. I hate letting people down, but yet I seem to do it a lot, I seriously just cry and get sick when I think of me not fixing this and us being together, and how sad is this but I also think "but what about chicken" and I almost cry, not that our dog is anything to base our relationship on, but she (the dog) is a symbol of how sweet and nice my wife can be by getting me the one thing I always wanted. I just want to do the same for her and in time I know I will, now maybe she wants more then one thing but that's fine with me. I have had awful thoughts of maybe im just not meant to be on this earth but I dismiss them just as fast cause that is just sad and such bull shit that I cant believe I even think of it and call myself a idiot. Now today she again wants me out until I fix everything, and im not going to leave this time, for a few reasons. It didn't work last time, I think I go stay with friends and just get to comfortable, also I think I need to be here I need to see her, I need to know how upset she is and I need to see the woman I love more then anything and see what this is doing to her, not run and hide with a friend. I know she will probably just want me out even more if I leave, but I think I finally need to grow a set and stand my ground. I know I need a new or better version of a job and we need money. I do not want to lose this house for her cause she would never forgive me as long as me lived. I know that I can do this, I know and hope that going to talk to someone will help me figure out how. Now I understand that sometimes people just need to be mad and vent and say things that they don't mean, but I think we are past all that now and when she says it she means it, it just hurts to hear it, not that that would stop her. I know she feels alone and trapped, and I know she feels like she is pulling us on her own, and that may be true for now but the time will come in the near future where that is not true anymore. I want this, I want her, I want kids, I want the house, I want to be a man who takes care of his family, I just hope its not to late.