lazboy

Before embarking on our exploration of body image, gender roles, and package size, here is something every right-thinking American should know:

Jesus is Competitive!



"No, no, Jesus! We can't actually touch them anymore."

Of course, everyone knows that The Prince of Peace works hard but did you know he played hard? I wonder who he thanks when he gets a touchdown?

And now back to our program.

Body Image, Reproductive Organs, and You

One theory I've heard as to the cause of many women's allegedly low self-esteem is the Barbie doll. Apparently, her big, pointy mammaries set little girls' expectations too high.



Of course, it's just a theory, which isn't mine.

But...

What if boy dolls (excuse me, "action figures") came with big bulges?



LOOK AT HIS PACKAGE!

What would that do to the future self-esteem of little boys? Or would they all become mad scientists in a quixotic search for a gamma ray-based solution to their perception of being schwantz-challenged?

Although, I do still want to be a super-hero when I grow up.

So let's give it a try toymakers and see if we can fuck up the other gender (if we're fucking up anyone).

In the words of Dwight Schrute, "That is all."