I like the idea of a challenge. Usually more than I like a challenge itself. But I sense this will be different. But then I always do. Nevertheless, here goes:
20 Things About Me That No One Knows
Well, not "No One" but not many at least and no one knows all this about me.
1. I am never indifferent toward myself. I either love myself and think I am the greatest or I loathe myself. I am probably delusional and paranoid, depending (on what I could not say). I am not who I think I am. My inflated/deflated self has me both settling for things I shouldnt settle for and not appreciating things for which I should be grateful.
2. That I love horses is something of a shameful secret (and I don't really know why).
3. That I love bombastic, over-produced, early '70s "rock" (ELO, ELP, Styx, Boston, etc.) is a shameful secret (and I know exactly why).
3. I find pornography to be as boring as it is effective. I wish it took more to get me off, that I were more complicated, but, as it turns out, I'm just a dude that way.
4. When I was 10, I read a comic book (Tales from the Crypt) about a boy who goes to summer camp only to discover that the counselors are all Satanists who convert and/or sacrifice the campers. A year later, I went on a weeklong canoe trip with my Boy Scout Troop (Troop 52: the rootin'-est, tootin'-est Troop around!). At one point, I was alone with two Scoutmasters in a canoe. It was very hot (the temperature, I mean). They disrobed down to their tightey-whiteys. I thought for sure they were going to do something horrible. I was vaguely disappointed that their behavior seemed to be wholly temperature-dependant.
5. When I was 11 or 12 my brother and I found a dead cat in the woods. It was being eaten from the inside out by maggots. She had been pregnant. There were several kitten corpses. One of the kittens was alive. My brother and I brought it home. We named it Milkshake.
Of course, you know where this is going but c'mon, we were kids!
We were very excited. We went to the library and brought home a few books about the care and feeding of kittens. Mom took Milkshake to the vet. When she came home, she told us that the vet had found maggots in Milkshakes stomach and so he had to be put to sleep. I cried all day long. My parents friend told me about how when one of his dogs dies, he immediately buys another just like it and gives it the same name. They were all Cocker Spaniels. I forget their collective name. It was a little creepy. It was a funeral.
Losing Milkshake after coming so close to having him live in our house was too much to bear. That experience taught me to avoid pain at all cost because pain really, really sucks. So I dont like keeping mammals as pets. As it turns out, I have the emotional maturity of a 12-year old. I hate being a grown-up. I love being a grown-up.
And I think my mom lied about Milkshake (can maggots live in a stomach? What with all the acid and everything?) just because she didnt want to get stuck taking care of one more mammal. It probably seemed so much easier than having to say no to two ebullient boys followed by a long, drawn-out tug-of-war. As understandable as that is to me, I dont want to be that. I also dont want to be the Cocker Spaniel guy. I'm not sure what I want to be.
I think a sign of maturity is that one no longer thinks of oneself soley in terms of who one is not.
6. Around the same age, I stayed up late to watch Night Gallery on New Year's Eve while my parents were at a party. The plot of one episode concerned the homicidal intentions of legal guardians toward their charge: an heiress. For years after that, I would, from time to time, suspect my parents of trying to kill me. They never did though.
7. I wanted to have sex very badly starting at age 12. That I didn't until 19 is a testament to my almost bottomless reserves of laziness. I was in theater fer fuck's sake and I couldn't get one overly-emotional chick to bang me? C'mon!
8. I hate manipulating people and I am very good at it.
9. Do not play RISK with me unless you enjoy losing.
10. I married my first wife so as not to feel guilty. She found some porn and gave me back her engagement ring. I should have let it go at that. But I felt so bad about her being so angry that I faked an emotional break-through and got her back (see #8).
11. My grandparents were party people. I love party people. I did not like my grandparents. Their parties were boring. Everyone got drunk and talked about other people. They never bothered to connect with children. Which is fine. It just is.
12. My father's father was gassed in WWI. He died after many years of living with only one lung. My mother's mother died at 85 of emphysema or something. She smoked. I smoke. I can't smoke without thinking of those two, gasping for breath the last few months (years?) of their lives. I don't know why I haven't quit for good yet.
13. My mother's father sold cattle insurance. Not a particularly sexy profession but his clients did include James Dean, John Wayne, and Fred MacMurray. Apparently, owning cattle was something of a fad in Hollywood for a time.
14. I love teaching. I love being a teacher. I love teachers. I hate school.
15. It is no secret that my second wife is a junkie. What is something of a secret is that I didnt mind at first. Using drugs kept her out of my hair (for a while). Plus, she was more fun. Ah well, live and learn. By the way kids, dont ever try to live with a junkie. They suck you down no matter what you do. And now you know.
16. I find spectator sports and religion to be equally incomprehensible.
17. My ears are crooked and I have more facial hair on one side of my face than the other.
18. When I was a kid I tried pretending I had a fever by softly chewing on the thermometer thinking the friction would warm it up. The bulb broke and I swallowed a thermometers worth of mercury. I like tuna but I dont eat it very often.
19. I am the luckiest person I know. I never gamble against the house.
20. Other people make me uncomfortable but I miss them when they arent around.
20 Things About Me That No One Knows
Well, not "No One" but not many at least and no one knows all this about me.
1. I am never indifferent toward myself. I either love myself and think I am the greatest or I loathe myself. I am probably delusional and paranoid, depending (on what I could not say). I am not who I think I am. My inflated/deflated self has me both settling for things I shouldnt settle for and not appreciating things for which I should be grateful.
2. That I love horses is something of a shameful secret (and I don't really know why).
3. That I love bombastic, over-produced, early '70s "rock" (ELO, ELP, Styx, Boston, etc.) is a shameful secret (and I know exactly why).
3. I find pornography to be as boring as it is effective. I wish it took more to get me off, that I were more complicated, but, as it turns out, I'm just a dude that way.
4. When I was 10, I read a comic book (Tales from the Crypt) about a boy who goes to summer camp only to discover that the counselors are all Satanists who convert and/or sacrifice the campers. A year later, I went on a weeklong canoe trip with my Boy Scout Troop (Troop 52: the rootin'-est, tootin'-est Troop around!). At one point, I was alone with two Scoutmasters in a canoe. It was very hot (the temperature, I mean). They disrobed down to their tightey-whiteys. I thought for sure they were going to do something horrible. I was vaguely disappointed that their behavior seemed to be wholly temperature-dependant.
5. When I was 11 or 12 my brother and I found a dead cat in the woods. It was being eaten from the inside out by maggots. She had been pregnant. There were several kitten corpses. One of the kittens was alive. My brother and I brought it home. We named it Milkshake.
Of course, you know where this is going but c'mon, we were kids!
We were very excited. We went to the library and brought home a few books about the care and feeding of kittens. Mom took Milkshake to the vet. When she came home, she told us that the vet had found maggots in Milkshakes stomach and so he had to be put to sleep. I cried all day long. My parents friend told me about how when one of his dogs dies, he immediately buys another just like it and gives it the same name. They were all Cocker Spaniels. I forget their collective name. It was a little creepy. It was a funeral.
Losing Milkshake after coming so close to having him live in our house was too much to bear. That experience taught me to avoid pain at all cost because pain really, really sucks. So I dont like keeping mammals as pets. As it turns out, I have the emotional maturity of a 12-year old. I hate being a grown-up. I love being a grown-up.
And I think my mom lied about Milkshake (can maggots live in a stomach? What with all the acid and everything?) just because she didnt want to get stuck taking care of one more mammal. It probably seemed so much easier than having to say no to two ebullient boys followed by a long, drawn-out tug-of-war. As understandable as that is to me, I dont want to be that. I also dont want to be the Cocker Spaniel guy. I'm not sure what I want to be.
I think a sign of maturity is that one no longer thinks of oneself soley in terms of who one is not.
6. Around the same age, I stayed up late to watch Night Gallery on New Year's Eve while my parents were at a party. The plot of one episode concerned the homicidal intentions of legal guardians toward their charge: an heiress. For years after that, I would, from time to time, suspect my parents of trying to kill me. They never did though.
7. I wanted to have sex very badly starting at age 12. That I didn't until 19 is a testament to my almost bottomless reserves of laziness. I was in theater fer fuck's sake and I couldn't get one overly-emotional chick to bang me? C'mon!
8. I hate manipulating people and I am very good at it.
9. Do not play RISK with me unless you enjoy losing.
10. I married my first wife so as not to feel guilty. She found some porn and gave me back her engagement ring. I should have let it go at that. But I felt so bad about her being so angry that I faked an emotional break-through and got her back (see #8).
11. My grandparents were party people. I love party people. I did not like my grandparents. Their parties were boring. Everyone got drunk and talked about other people. They never bothered to connect with children. Which is fine. It just is.
12. My father's father was gassed in WWI. He died after many years of living with only one lung. My mother's mother died at 85 of emphysema or something. She smoked. I smoke. I can't smoke without thinking of those two, gasping for breath the last few months (years?) of their lives. I don't know why I haven't quit for good yet.
13. My mother's father sold cattle insurance. Not a particularly sexy profession but his clients did include James Dean, John Wayne, and Fred MacMurray. Apparently, owning cattle was something of a fad in Hollywood for a time.
14. I love teaching. I love being a teacher. I love teachers. I hate school.
15. It is no secret that my second wife is a junkie. What is something of a secret is that I didnt mind at first. Using drugs kept her out of my hair (for a while). Plus, she was more fun. Ah well, live and learn. By the way kids, dont ever try to live with a junkie. They suck you down no matter what you do. And now you know.
16. I find spectator sports and religion to be equally incomprehensible.
17. My ears are crooked and I have more facial hair on one side of my face than the other.
18. When I was a kid I tried pretending I had a fever by softly chewing on the thermometer thinking the friction would warm it up. The bulb broke and I swallowed a thermometers worth of mercury. I like tuna but I dont eat it very often.
19. I am the luckiest person I know. I never gamble against the house.
20. Other people make me uncomfortable but I miss them when they arent around.
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So whatchya wanna do Saturday? Where you livin' these days?
Oh yeah, if you're not busy, we should go to THIS on the 17th. Are you part of SGC yet? Join up soon if not.
[Edited on Nov 29, 2005 12:44PM]