lavinia

It's not always about me

Today I had lunch with my ex. Its something I wish I would/could have done a long time ago.

At lunch we talked about what is currently going on in our lives and then the topic came up about what happened after the break up.

I have to say the break up was a mess and I was hurt. When he started seeing someone else I took some of the things he did (when his new relationship was starting) personally. My reaction to him was that of a complete lashing out.

That lashing out was comprised of piles, piles and even more piles of crap that I hadnt dealt with a lot of other ex-boyfriends (almost 15 years worth of crap and baggage by the way) and unfortunately this ex (who I totally care about and regard as a friend) was the target of all of that. He was the straw that broke the camels back and because of my lashing out he chose not to be in my life. This I took that personally.

As we talked bout this he said something that stuck with me
What I did wasnt about you. It had nothing to do with you. I was just living my life. I wanted to be there for you but I couldnt.".

I told him how much I was hurt back then and he acknowledged that. If he were in my shoes he would have been hurt as well but he would have been happy to me happy. At that moment I got the closure I was looking for and a weight had been lifted off of my little shoulders. I let him know the entire lashing out was because of the ex's and that he was just the unfortunate target. I apologized and he accepted the apology.

After lunch was done we went our separate ways.

Now as I reflect I realise that I am happy being single (I dont want to get into another relationship for a long while), if I was still with him I would not be playing live, and he was one of the best things to ever happen to me.

I have to say I am glad we broke up and Im glad we are friends.