lasthaikunicorn

"It's not until we lose everything that we are free to do anything." That includes moving forward. Losing the two greatest loves of my life in the span of a year sucks. I was married for 13 years. 9 of those were really good. Our marriage began to die a little at a time over the next four years. Hedieh and I should have split up 2 years before we did. Things had gotten bad and it wasn't getting any better. Moving to Chicago to be close to her family was a bad idea and it got worse when I met Kate. I've never been unfaithful to anyone in my life not even in high school. I fell head over heels with Kate. She made me feel like a teenager in love. I'd been missing that feeling. She came a long at my lowest moment and told me what I wanted to hear. We started having an affair (she was married too) that lasted two years. We were together through each other's divorces. A week after her divorce was final she broke it off. In her defense I left her in her mind. I wasn't happy in Chicago and really not a lot of good came from me living there. So I decided to leave. I never thought it would cost me Kate. I thought she'd follow. I thought she'd wait. She did neither. I thought Kate was my best friend but she left me at a really low point. Friends don't typically do that. I still love them both but neither is in my life at all. They both said at one time or another that they wanted to stay friends. Yeah, not so much. Did I lose everything? Emotionally yes. I'm tapped. Totally empty. I wake up everyday and I make a conscious effort to feed the right wolf. I'm a person who needs someone in his life and being alone makes it really hard. Most days I'm amazing but I have my bad days like anyone else. I am fortunate. I have my dog Elvis. I have friends and family that love me. I have my truck and a great job. I am free to do anything. I guess it's time to start doing and stop looking back. Thanks I just needed to get that off my chest.