[
lassie:
Wallace Stevens. Very blue today. Mediocre existence in corporate life matasticizing in me. If it were part time, I could take it, like a joke section of my day. But it drains my blood from dark to dark, and perques aren't a warm moist hand helping me up, or even writing up a proposal to. 
lassie:
Fangs in my ruby-cold heart. Betrayers. Breakers of my faith. Disloyalists.
I have no more feelings for you to siphon, to quell your jealousy. Both of you.
I have no more feelings for you to siphon, to quell your jealousy. Both of you.
Oh yes I know, and believe me it gets worse.
I got told, ring, round and gold.
It's hard enough, when everything we say
Is really fascination along the way . . .
I just got up, and the motion left me cold.
And I found out, I'm growing old.
It's not enough, your standing in your wealth
And there's real infatuation with yourself ....
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I got told, ring, round and gold.
It's hard enough, when everything we say
Is really fascination along the way . . .
I just got up, and the motion left me cold.
And I found out, I'm growing old.
It's not enough, your standing in your wealth
And there's real infatuation with yourself ....
Read More
lassie:
"Logan Street," The Connells 
lassie:
Pond
[
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
lassie:
Amen, sister-woman.
kenyon:
the "shoes" thing made me laugh. out. loud. glad you liked it too.
i WISH i had a picture of the houseboy candidate - i have blurry boundaries (due to aforementioned childhood emotional abuse and just general creative persuasion; you feel me) and would totally send it your way.
the novel outline is hand-written, but i'll probably type it up (clumsily, i'm not one for a "proper"outline), and yes, i will send it! it may not be today though - i just made contact with a photographer who may or not shoot a naked set of my mostly couch-bound unfit body for this crazy site this weekend. it's all very tentative. still, i'm having the "i have nothing to wear" freakout, butterflied in my knees and my stomach knocking and all that! so the novel gets back-burnered for a day or two. but your flattery makes me blush and look around for the fire exit (ultimately a good thing)!
any ideas for a theme?
those rose-colored non-capris in your mind sound lovely. i like a lady who knows what she wants.
i WISH i had a picture of the houseboy candidate - i have blurry boundaries (due to aforementioned childhood emotional abuse and just general creative persuasion; you feel me) and would totally send it your way.
the novel outline is hand-written, but i'll probably type it up (clumsily, i'm not one for a "proper"outline), and yes, i will send it! it may not be today though - i just made contact with a photographer who may or not shoot a naked set of my mostly couch-bound unfit body for this crazy site this weekend. it's all very tentative. still, i'm having the "i have nothing to wear" freakout, butterflied in my knees and my stomach knocking and all that! so the novel gets back-burnered for a day or two. but your flattery makes me blush and look around for the fire exit (ultimately a good thing)!
any ideas for a theme?
those rose-colored non-capris in your mind sound lovely. i like a lady who knows what she wants.
The Weeping Burgher
It is with a strange malice
That I distort the world.
Ah! that ill humors
Should mask as white girls.
And ah! that Scaramouche
Should have a black barouche.
The sorry verities!
Yet in excess, continual,
There is cure of sorrow.
Permit that if as ghost I come
Among the people burning in me still,
I come as belle design
Of foppish...
Read More
It is with a strange malice
That I distort the world.
Ah! that ill humors
Should mask as white girls.
And ah! that Scaramouche
Should have a black barouche.
The sorry verities!
Yet in excess, continual,
There is cure of sorrow.
Permit that if as ghost I come
Among the people burning in me still,
I come as belle design
Of foppish...
Read More
lassie:
Wallace Stevens 
I
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
kenyon:
I love this journal entry. Especially "That's what I mean."
lassie:
Oh, yeah! I see what you mean about "that's what I mean." I mean, I think. I do. 
You are so paying attention.
You are so paying attention.
I saw the wind within her
I knew it blew for me--
But she must buy my shelter
I asked Humility
I knew it blew for me--
But she must buy my shelter
I asked Humility
lassie:
E.D. #1502
This was the second, and only real, wave of trying to reach at least closure with her. It is over now; I've let go.
I had a terrifying attack today, which really shouldn't have happened, because I'm on my preventives. Strange. I even lost speech and had profound numbness in my mouth. The worst is the cold sweats and the terror with stomach rising into mouth. That lasted for over a half hour. I felt like I was dying and was losing it. This just has to stop. I've been nutty with prodromes, aura, or headache for the last two weeks; hence, all the moodiness smattered across this journal, from hirarity to weepiness. All of this part of the illness, not "really" me.
Wait for a better cure, but it is so hard. If I screw this job up because of this condition again, I hate to think what depression that will plunge me into. Will work to stabilize. Lay off all these vitamins the doc gave me. I could swear the D3 is causing these attacks somehow.
Anyway, it all brings back this fact: I was ill and she didn't care. She abandoned me. Nothing I forgive will undo that or change what I would expect of her the next time. So yeah, it's over.
This was the second, and only real, wave of trying to reach at least closure with her. It is over now; I've let go.
I had a terrifying attack today, which really shouldn't have happened, because I'm on my preventives. Strange. I even lost speech and had profound numbness in my mouth. The worst is the cold sweats and the terror with stomach rising into mouth. That lasted for over a half hour. I felt like I was dying and was losing it. This just has to stop. I've been nutty with prodromes, aura, or headache for the last two weeks; hence, all the moodiness smattered across this journal, from hirarity to weepiness. All of this part of the illness, not "really" me.
Wait for a better cure, but it is so hard. If I screw this job up because of this condition again, I hate to think what depression that will plunge me into. Will work to stabilize. Lay off all these vitamins the doc gave me. I could swear the D3 is causing these attacks somehow.
Anyway, it all brings back this fact: I was ill and she didn't care. She abandoned me. Nothing I forgive will undo that or change what I would expect of her the next time. So yeah, it's over.
I got so I could take his name--
Without tremendous--Gain--
That Stop-sensation--on my Soul--
And Thunder--in the Room--
I got so I could walk across
That Angle in the floor,
Where he turned so, and I turned--how--
And all our Sinew tore--
I got so I could stir the Box--
In which his letters grew
Without that forcing in, my breath--
As Staplesdriven through--
Could...
Read More
Without tremendous--Gain--
That Stop-sensation--on my Soul--
And Thunder--in the Room--
I got so I could walk across
That Angle in the floor,
Where he turned so, and I turned--how--
And all our Sinew tore--
I got so I could stir the Box--
In which his letters grew
Without that forcing in, my breath--
As Staplesdriven through--
Could...
Read More
I nearly ran my Ford Taurus off the road while trying to slam off the car radio for playing AC/DC.
It was worth the risk.
It was worth the risk.
whiteyford:
there's something in this post about a "Highway to Hell" but I can't quite grasp it..
+wf+
+wf+