lashes

I'm so utterly bored with life. I have no real friends here anymore. The friends I did have have either moved away (they obviously have more than half a brain) or I've just outgrown them. Well, I say outgrown - the only thing they're interested in is going out and getting trashed all the time - but I can't do that no more, it's not healthy for me. And to be honest I can't afford it. The only way I laugh or have fun is when I'm completely off my face on coke - and I can't afford to spend 200 quid every time i go out - and to be honest, I want more than that now. I don't want to need to spend hundreds of cash just to have a good time. I've recently given it all up anyways so it's not even in the equation anymore. I literally feel at such a loose end though. Been trying to rack my brains on things to do, or hobbies to take up, or just generally a purpose in life - but nothing. Nothing grabs my interest. I'm so utterly bored I'm suicidal. I genuinely don't see the point in me living - since I'm doing just the opposite of that. I need a reason to want to stay alive, and apart from not wanting to hurt people around me I can't find a reason. I need to move away and start a fresh. Can't afford it though. Struggling to find the money for my sisters wedding in Cyprus in October. And even if I was able to move away, I'd struggle to get a visa, because honestly, what do I have to offer? Fuck all. I need a direction in life, but I can't think of anything. I don't want to be alive anymore.