lashes

I'm so confused right now. I'm not sure what to do about my relationship. I know if I end it i'd be throwing away a decent guy, but connection is missing - and connection is very important to me. The last few months I've come to realize what I really want in a partner - and I think I've come to this conclusion because I'm noticing what's missing from our relationship. The way I've been these past few months is not me. I've been cold, rejecting, uninterested, blank, unaffectionate, quiet, irritated, bemused and bored. And all of no fault of his, but because I've come to realize the connection is not there. I don't think Nathan would believe me if I told him how annoying affectionate I used to be. Or how I loved cuddles and contact all the time. Or how I would get annoyed if my hand wasn't being held. I often feeling like I'm on the other side now. I'm the one rejecting and not being affectionate - so unlike me. He's a fantastic guy, he would do anything for me, I'm always his first concern, I don't think he could love me more if he tried. He's not lazy, he's kind, he's affectionate, he's friendly to everyone, he's hands on around the house, he's a family man, he's considerate, he's very positive and happy at all times - I could go on about how perfect he is. Thing is, I don't feel we connect at all - and he doesn't get me - and I don't get him. Our humour clashes. I don't find him funny - I often don't find anything he says remotely interesting - often leaving me thinking "just shut up, how am I meant to even respond to this?" When I've started a conversation that I know would normally trigger a really good conversation with other people or has done in the past he either doesn't get it or replies in such a way that doesn't even seem relevant to what I've said. We don't bounce off each other. He's not my partner in crime. We don't connect on a mental level. We don't compliment each other - and I don't mean in a "you look nice" way but whereas ketchup goes with chips, fuck, I know what I mean. He doesn't make me belly laugh. We can't just hang out together without him feeling like he's being ignored. I can't stand the sulking either. Or the slow-mo kisses - I like spontaneous,grab ya face "I fucking love you!" kisses. Or ya know, genuine peck on either the mouth or cheek. Why has everything got to be so lovey dovey and romantic all the time? I feel like I'm just picking and ranting now so I'll leave this here.

I'm fucking confused though.