lashes

I can't sleep and it's driving me insane! I know sitting in bed with the laptop obviously isn't going to help, but I've just been laying in bed for hours reading in the hope that I would eventually drift off - or at least get sleepy. For the past hour or so, definitely over an hour, I have just been laying there - doing nothing with my eyes shut. Still nothing. I can't take any more nights like this - I'm too tired. Tired but can't sleep. This happens so often - every night if it weren't for the sleeping pills - but even they are becoming more and more useless. I may as well just stay awake now. I intended on getting up early tomorrow anyways because I've got a few things I need to do before I have to work in the afternoon. What I would do for a big bag of weed right now. Something else I have to do tomorrow.

Tommorow should be a good day at work. The dickhead boss isn't in all day and neither is the head chef or his pitbull wife. Got a week off work soon. Was originally planning a holiday but I can't afford that now. Just having a week off and not having to be anywhere is gonna be nice. I'll probably go to London for a day or two though to visit some friends. And depending on funds I'll either get a new tattoo done or my foot reworked.. I'll have to see what my paycheque looks like on Monday though. I don't think it's gonna be good to be fair. The one after is definitely not gonna be good. The restaurant's been really quiet the past couple of weeks so we've all been working less hours.

Haven't really felt like going out much recently. Granted I'm still drinking a fair bit but I haven't been going out as such. The past week or so has just been drinks after work. Jagerbombs are the sex. But yeah, drug fuelled parties have come to a stop for me over the past week and a bit. Well, to be fair I put a stop to it, for now. Too much money was being spent, my brain was definitely suffering and to be fair, every now and again I just get a bit sick of it. And I say all that very lightly, because no doubt I'll be back to it in a few days. Just not yet. I need to stay away from it for a bit. Or at least not do it so often.

I'm still feeling a bit unlike myself. It's actually getting very frustrating. I find it hard to explain. It's not just the way I look, but also thoughts and feelings - I don't recognise them. A lot of them angry or just plain odd. I'm really crap at explaining stuff like that so I'll just stop. Was starting to get a bit deep anyways so I'll leave it