lashes

Thank god for happy pills. Without these babies I know that right now i'd be a mess. There's something that bothers me and I know that without being on these pills I would be a crying mess. But it seems that I can't cry- well, I don't even want to, but without them, I know I would, right NOW I would be. I'm not entirely sure if this is a good thing or not. Obviously it's good that 'this thing' isn't making me cry, but then, is it right to know that you should be upset but you're not? Not cos you don't care but because, well, it's like that part of my emotions have been deleted. This may sound like a depressing emo type blog, but it's not- i'm not depressed. Well, obviously I am, but I don't FEEL depressed.. well, not now anyways. It's sooo hard being in love with someone you can't have. I love him so so much, yet I know we won't ever work. Well, actually maybe we will? One day? Maybe i'll just stand by stubborn hopefullness that the reason we didn't work out before was because of our 'situations'. Or maybe i'm just in denial by thinking that all the time. I hope too much. I live my life on hoping. I do love him though, and fuck what anyone says I know I always will. I do stand by that hope a lot though; the hope that when we've both got jobs and we're both in a better place etc etc that one day we will be happy. Well, until then, I'm just gonna have to do what I do best, and hope.

Oh, wow. A few tears. Cool I'm not a robot after all.