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lascaux

Santa Barbara, CA

SG Since 2014

Followers 20389 Following 288

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It's unreal...

Aug 19, 2015
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I know this is overdue. I didn't write a blog post about it right away, because I was so overwhelmed and super emotional and i really wanted to wait and get my thoughts together before I put them down. As many of my friends and family are quick to remind me, "turning pink" is of little significance to the world beyond the soap walls of this site's bubble. And I have been hesitant to truly celebrate this moment because of the loneliness of that celebration. It's not something my parents will be proud of me for or something that my friends will fully understand. My best friend still cringes at the thought of me, half naked on the Internet.

But despite all of that, I am happy. I am shocked at the success of my most recent set, and I had the TIME OF MY LIFE shooting it with @shaine this past spring. I'm blown away by how kind this community has been to me and at every turn I am surprised in the most pleasant way possible by the people I encounter. I wasn't surprised to get an email full of info when I turned pink but I was so surprised that @lyxzen had taken the time to write to ME personally and knew my set from the others and offered me personalized words of encouragement. The level of love and commitment it must take to go out of your way to look at every new girl's set and write to her in a way that makes her feel special? That's fucking inspiring. The woman is not only good at her job but obviously passionate about it. That's the kind of stuff that makes me want to stick around, and it's amazing women with attitudes like that that I can only imagine have been the foundation for this supportive and beautiful community. I just feel so lucky to be a part of it.

I guess that's all? I feel so overwhelmed- I had counted on being a hopeful for so much longer and then one morning I just wasn't and I still don't know how to feel but I am going to shoot for grateful and happy because, really, there's never any reason NOT to be grateful and happy. Just more reasons, the harder you look. Thank you EVERYONE who helped make this happen, and @sylah- thank you for being the only person in Buffalo who really gets what this is like and for being a beautiful human inside and out!

Okay. I'm done now.

VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
oldernow:
I was just telling a young friend of mine that your age is when you have to plant and nourish a few seeds of your own identity--which identity necessarily alienates you, at least a little, from your family and friends.  To be an individual is to be alone--but to be alone is not to be an individual.  There is a resonance, an empathy amongst individuals, created in part by any common ritual (say, going pink) and in part by the natural similarities with other individuals.  It gets worse.  Who do you think the Dalai Lama hangs with?  It gets better: can you imagine knowing, much less being His Holiness?  I do 'know' him, in that I've met him dozens of times, but I would hardly call myself a student or a friend--but I am a friend of a few others who have also met him under similar circumstances.  The relevance of this to you?  My family are born again Christians, and would as soon see me naked in the interwebs as talking to a Buddhist!  Weird.  --anyway, I think your response to going pink is a very, um, hopeful (sic) sign of your tenure on this site and later life!
Aug 29, 2015
lascaux:
@oldernow that was really beautiful... Thank you for you advice and encouragement!! 
Aug 29, 2015

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