Today it occurred to me that I might be obsessed with a secret guerilla/vigilante fantasy. I have an extensive collection of exotic weapons and armor that I keep hidden in secret wall panels, and seem to be drawn to sci fi/ fantasy involving super powers and romantic relationships.
In retrospect, joining the Marine Corps several years back may have been an attempt to live out a warrior fantasy I had sense childhood. After years with out the stereotypical, two-dimensional, black and white, war experience of fighting the bad guy and winning I became deeply depressed and disillusioned.
After getting out and dealing chronic depression and a sense of betrayal, I immersed my self in a fantasy of being an underground revolutionary. I later settled on political aspirations that Im in the process of stagnating through right now.
Now Im having a hard time distinguishing between what are positive aberrations that will lead to a better life, and what is the fantasy that distracts me from having a real life.
In retrospect, joining the Marine Corps several years back may have been an attempt to live out a warrior fantasy I had sense childhood. After years with out the stereotypical, two-dimensional, black and white, war experience of fighting the bad guy and winning I became deeply depressed and disillusioned.
After getting out and dealing chronic depression and a sense of betrayal, I immersed my self in a fantasy of being an underground revolutionary. I later settled on political aspirations that Im in the process of stagnating through right now.
Now Im having a hard time distinguishing between what are positive aberrations that will lead to a better life, and what is the fantasy that distracts me from having a real life.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
uproot:
you and me both buddy, i don't know which direction to go in right now because i want it to end up being super productive and successful instead of a masturbatory flop
hedy:
those last two sentences pretty much describe my internal debate at all times.