Rebuild... reinvent... start over.
so I've been trying out Match.com for a couple of months now and seem to be an all-around failure at it. I still haven't figured out if 'winking' at someone is rude or not- I mean, I'd never 'wink' at someone in real life, and the image I have of a 'winker' (replace 'i' with 'a') is a gold-chain-wearing guido (apologies to the fine citizens of New Jersey's Atlantic Shore), cocking his finger like a gun and firing with a 'chck' noise as he 'winks'. Even though one of my friends says it's just like smiling at someone, it just seems lascivious and lecherous.
I seem to be running up against a couple of issues. In general, it's not the website, but rather the people on it. Firstly, Match seems to suffer from the same guy=pursuer/girl=pursuee socialized roles that exist IRL, which I'd hoped would be superceded on the 'net. Apparently, it's supposedly not proper for girls to contact guys, so just like real life, guys are expected to put themselves out there and take chances. Why doesn't everyone do it? I mean, here we are in the Century of the Fruit Bat, and on the internet, and yet the same antiquated thinking persists.
The same gender socialization may be at the center of my second issue with Match- in my antiquated and perhaps honourable mind, if you're not interested in someone, you should have the courtesy to tell them. The website allows you to send a polite, generic, rejection message that somehow (at least to me) makes me feel like less of a reject than when someone doesn't answer my emails or 'winks'. Not that I've been brave enough to email more than two people (I have winked at about five women). Only one person ever had the kindness or courtesy to send me a 'No, Thanks' message, and I really do appreciate that. Also, if you start something with someone and it isn't working out, cowboy up and end it appropriately. It's the least I would do.
The other issue I have is somehow both with the people and the website. I'd like to see a function on Match that enables me to search for only people looking for a particular ethnicity (or ethnicities, since I'm so much more than just one). I have to scroll down on every portrait/profile to find out 'who' people are looking for and it's a little bit frustrating. Here's my other position on ethnicity- Match allows you to see who's been viewing your profile. Somehow, 40-50% of the women who've checked me out, unsolicited BTW, have been looking for (at least according to their profiles) 'white/caucasian' men- that's not me. You can tell from my profile pic- that's not just a tan, you know. If you're so limited in your outlook (and I will admit that my searching is not completely open to everyone), why are you looking at me? I know I'm cute, but ladies, please. Open your minds and reflect this on your profiles or stop blowing me up!
The final issue I have with Match is my own fault. I will admit that. I just want to say it somewhere, ie here, so that it's been said. There aren't a lot of options on Match for me within a 50 mile radius, and it's because I live in one of the nine rings of dating hell. I am a well-educated, cosmopolitan, professional living in a small city in a backwards state (one of those places that is fond of the phrases 'bass-ackwards' and 'bless his/her heart'). I should probably move, or become less smart.
or not.
Part of the problem is my inherent 'in-between-ness' (I can't think of any better phrase right now)- I live in between categories. I am part-Bad Boy (or at least I hope so) and part-Brainiac, part-slacker and part-go-getter. I'm an intellectual who rides motorbikes, a jazz fan who likes country music. I don't fall into anyone else's categories and here in the South, they're all about categories. And so, unless I find someone else 'in-between', I'm likely to always be outside- never part of one group or another.
I'm not going to change (and neither should you), and so reinvention of myself, my interests, my personality is not an option. But my attitude can change, and it will. I won't let the lack of options get to me, and yet I won't shut down either. I will remain open to meeting that other in-betweener, and maybe someday soon, they'll see my flickering candle in this sea of mediocrity and I'll see theirs. 'Til then, the search (and the struggle) continue- a challenge rather than a barrier. Aluta Continua
so I've been trying out Match.com for a couple of months now and seem to be an all-around failure at it. I still haven't figured out if 'winking' at someone is rude or not- I mean, I'd never 'wink' at someone in real life, and the image I have of a 'winker' (replace 'i' with 'a') is a gold-chain-wearing guido (apologies to the fine citizens of New Jersey's Atlantic Shore), cocking his finger like a gun and firing with a 'chck' noise as he 'winks'. Even though one of my friends says it's just like smiling at someone, it just seems lascivious and lecherous.
I seem to be running up against a couple of issues. In general, it's not the website, but rather the people on it. Firstly, Match seems to suffer from the same guy=pursuer/girl=pursuee socialized roles that exist IRL, which I'd hoped would be superceded on the 'net. Apparently, it's supposedly not proper for girls to contact guys, so just like real life, guys are expected to put themselves out there and take chances. Why doesn't everyone do it? I mean, here we are in the Century of the Fruit Bat, and on the internet, and yet the same antiquated thinking persists.
The same gender socialization may be at the center of my second issue with Match- in my antiquated and perhaps honourable mind, if you're not interested in someone, you should have the courtesy to tell them. The website allows you to send a polite, generic, rejection message that somehow (at least to me) makes me feel like less of a reject than when someone doesn't answer my emails or 'winks'. Not that I've been brave enough to email more than two people (I have winked at about five women). Only one person ever had the kindness or courtesy to send me a 'No, Thanks' message, and I really do appreciate that. Also, if you start something with someone and it isn't working out, cowboy up and end it appropriately. It's the least I would do.
The other issue I have is somehow both with the people and the website. I'd like to see a function on Match that enables me to search for only people looking for a particular ethnicity (or ethnicities, since I'm so much more than just one). I have to scroll down on every portrait/profile to find out 'who' people are looking for and it's a little bit frustrating. Here's my other position on ethnicity- Match allows you to see who's been viewing your profile. Somehow, 40-50% of the women who've checked me out, unsolicited BTW, have been looking for (at least according to their profiles) 'white/caucasian' men- that's not me. You can tell from my profile pic- that's not just a tan, you know. If you're so limited in your outlook (and I will admit that my searching is not completely open to everyone), why are you looking at me? I know I'm cute, but ladies, please. Open your minds and reflect this on your profiles or stop blowing me up!
The final issue I have with Match is my own fault. I will admit that. I just want to say it somewhere, ie here, so that it's been said. There aren't a lot of options on Match for me within a 50 mile radius, and it's because I live in one of the nine rings of dating hell. I am a well-educated, cosmopolitan, professional living in a small city in a backwards state (one of those places that is fond of the phrases 'bass-ackwards' and 'bless his/her heart'). I should probably move, or become less smart.
or not.
Part of the problem is my inherent 'in-between-ness' (I can't think of any better phrase right now)- I live in between categories. I am part-Bad Boy (or at least I hope so) and part-Brainiac, part-slacker and part-go-getter. I'm an intellectual who rides motorbikes, a jazz fan who likes country music. I don't fall into anyone else's categories and here in the South, they're all about categories. And so, unless I find someone else 'in-between', I'm likely to always be outside- never part of one group or another.
I'm not going to change (and neither should you), and so reinvention of myself, my interests, my personality is not an option. But my attitude can change, and it will. I won't let the lack of options get to me, and yet I won't shut down either. I will remain open to meeting that other in-betweener, and maybe someday soon, they'll see my flickering candle in this sea of mediocrity and I'll see theirs. 'Til then, the search (and the struggle) continue- a challenge rather than a barrier. Aluta Continua