Bloody fucking hell!! I'm so irritated today- not at anything in particular, tho if I had to, I could list more than a few things, but mostly just at myself cos I'm in such an absolutely shiite mood. I'm hovering somewhere between putting a hole in my head so I can look through it (somewhat like navel gazing (see Morrissey)) and biting someone else's head...
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the next major cyber-punk, transhuman breakthrough will come from Russia- there, I said it. This day June 7th, 2005. I've been thinking it for a while, and as I sit here reading Gibson's Pattern Recognition for the first time (having avoided it in a 'it-doesn't-really-seem-cyberpunk'y for some time now), that feeling is reinforced, not inspired, and I just wanted to say it and have it...
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I live a half-life, something in between two places where I should be, could be, unable to reach either. Even if I decide which way to go, some force keeps dragging me back to the middle. I live in Limbo, seeking Heaven, willing to endure Hell to be out of Limbo, thinking that Hell's sting cannot endure. I seek Heaven and climb towards it, and...
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lucy:
I was running short on time, so I had to finish my makeup quickly. We decided to draw them on as opposed to glueing, which was taking forever.
the secret of the cha cha commanders...
so these crazy girls that I know have elected themselves as my cha-cha commanders, friends who vet and monitor people you're interested in, and occasionally, introduce you to some pre-approved hottie-totties, kind of like credit cards. anyway, problem is ... one of them seems kind of hottie-tottie herself. hmmm... more on this later
so these crazy girls that I know have elected themselves as my cha-cha commanders, friends who vet and monitor people you're interested in, and occasionally, introduce you to some pre-approved hottie-totties, kind of like credit cards. anyway, problem is ... one of them seems kind of hottie-tottie herself. hmmm... more on this later
so somebody sent me this today, and I'm too depro to deal with other people today, so i thot I'd answer but stick it up here rather than email it...
"Welcome to the next edition of getting to know your friends. Okay, here's what you're supposed to do.....and try not to spoil the fun! Just give in. Copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste...
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"Welcome to the next edition of getting to know your friends. Okay, here's what you're supposed to do.....and try not to spoil the fun! Just give in. Copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste...
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drpepper23:
Happy Birthday!
I was checking heidi's profile when I noticed the birthday balloon next to your name, so I decided to send birthday greetings even though I don't know you.
I was checking heidi's profile when I noticed the birthday balloon next to your name, so I decided to send birthday greetings even though I don't know you.
ok so I cjheck SG every otherday cos this is how I get my news but have rarely updated my journal cos there's more than often too much going on. usually that's a reason for regular updates, but in my case, too much going on is typically too much painful going on. so a quick recap of the past 6 months:
am single again- long...
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am single again- long...
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ok freaky things (or at least freaky to me) and I need somewhere to write them down to get them out of my head. Can't really talk to anyone about them, cos most people here are too conservative to understand and also cos I have a sore throat and am losing my voice- bummer.
So a year and a half ago my girlf and I...
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So a year and a half ago my girlf and I...
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ta da!
slowly working up speed to writing stuff in my journal- have always failed at journals, not because interesting stuff doesn't happen to me or because I can't write, but rather because the last journal I wrote was filled with interesting stuff that I when I re-read it, I realised I didn't want to remember any of it. But perhaps that self-indulgent phase has...
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slowly working up speed to writing stuff in my journal- have always failed at journals, not because interesting stuff doesn't happen to me or because I can't write, but rather because the last journal I wrote was filled with interesting stuff that I when I re-read it, I realised I didn't want to remember any of it. But perhaps that self-indulgent phase has...
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larose404:
ok freaky things (or at least freaky to me) and I need somewhere to write them down to get them out of my head. Can't really talk to anyone about them, cos most people here are too conservative to understand and also cos I have a sore throat and am losing my voice- bummer.
So a year and a half ago my girlf and I were geographically separated by an entire ocean. she was here and I was back in SA. I moved over here approx 6 months ago. So our adult, seemingly mature, decision was to have an open relationship, which we did. We both had various horizontal encounters with people, and one of my horizontals turned into, well, a fuck buddy. she was a lithe redhead, 8 yrs younger than me, identified as a lesbian (she claims she hooked up with me all the time because she viewed me as a lesbian), and had a tendency to show up at my house in the middle of the night, which I realise was a booty call, now that I've come to the States, and found out what a booty call was from friends (ie my friends told me, not that they called me- although it might not be unwelcome if it came from one particular friend, but anyway that's neither here nor there). It was fun, and I think I ended up being more of a friend than a casual fuck to her.
anyway, I left to come to the States a little quickly and the last few days before were hectic. I saw her but didn't get time to say goodby properly, mostly because (i think) she wanted one last time and that was complicated for me at the time. I haven't emailled her since I left cos I don't have her email address, but out of nowhere I get an email from her yesterday wanting to know how I was and slipping in questions about my single/partnered status, comments about missing me and crying, and dropping in the possibility of "email sex". Obviously our interaction meant more to her than I realised, which I can understand is a regular occurrence, but 'email sex'? I live 6 hours difference of time zone away, not to mention an entire ocean away?
She obviously want's more from me. I feel bad. I wish I could be that person to her, but I have enough issues (only current, and definitely temporary (as in my issues, not my relationship) - see comment about cute friends and booty calls) making sure I am that person to my girlfriend. I hate my life right now- everything's so complicated here and although this should be a non-sequitor, this is adding to the confusion. aaargh
there... off my chest... maybe internal resolution will result. holding thumbs
So a year and a half ago my girlf and I were geographically separated by an entire ocean. she was here and I was back in SA. I moved over here approx 6 months ago. So our adult, seemingly mature, decision was to have an open relationship, which we did. We both had various horizontal encounters with people, and one of my horizontals turned into, well, a fuck buddy. she was a lithe redhead, 8 yrs younger than me, identified as a lesbian (she claims she hooked up with me all the time because she viewed me as a lesbian), and had a tendency to show up at my house in the middle of the night, which I realise was a booty call, now that I've come to the States, and found out what a booty call was from friends (ie my friends told me, not that they called me- although it might not be unwelcome if it came from one particular friend, but anyway that's neither here nor there). It was fun, and I think I ended up being more of a friend than a casual fuck to her.
anyway, I left to come to the States a little quickly and the last few days before were hectic. I saw her but didn't get time to say goodby properly, mostly because (i think) she wanted one last time and that was complicated for me at the time. I haven't emailled her since I left cos I don't have her email address, but out of nowhere I get an email from her yesterday wanting to know how I was and slipping in questions about my single/partnered status, comments about missing me and crying, and dropping in the possibility of "email sex". Obviously our interaction meant more to her than I realised, which I can understand is a regular occurrence, but 'email sex'? I live 6 hours difference of time zone away, not to mention an entire ocean away?
She obviously want's more from me. I feel bad. I wish I could be that person to her, but I have enough issues (only current, and definitely temporary (as in my issues, not my relationship) - see comment about cute friends and booty calls) making sure I am that person to my girlfriend. I hate my life right now- everything's so complicated here and although this should be a non-sequitor, this is adding to the confusion. aaargh
there... off my chest... maybe internal resolution will result. holding thumbs