laputa64

FFFFFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

man oh man. not that anybody on here will probably be surprised, but me and brooklyn have broken up AGAIN. why i tried to work things out after the first time, i'm not sure., maybe it was just how lonely i am. but we every single time we fight, he threatens breaking up with me b/c he has a habit of just throwing things away. example: today his cd player wouldn't play this cd that he had just burned so he throws it out the window pissed off convinced that it is broken. i asked him if he tried any other cds....well no. turns out it was the cd and now he had to spend $50 on a new one b/c he chunked the other one. ....but i always talk him out of it. b/c i believed that what we had was worth working through the hard times. that things were important enough to try. any other time we had the most wonderfully fantastic relationship. every relationship that i have had has been friends that i loved b/c they were friends and eventually we started dating. i always assumed a motherly type of role and things were okay b/c i loved them. but i never realized how much that isn't what i want until brooklyn. i want someone to knock me off my feet and make me feel desired and beautiful and that i can share things with and talk to and desire so very very much. passion was something that i have never had. man i wanted things to work out between us so bad. this sucks such big hairy goat gonads. but i can't take his temper. case and point. i just refused to cry and try to talk him out of anything. he even commented on how it hurt that i was so complacent tonight. it is just one of those things.....this has happened so many times i couldn't even work up any feelings until after he had left from getting his stuff. i don't need to have to put up with his anger. i can't. i will totally be happy not ever talking to him again b/c only complete removal will get rid of this pain in my heart. i have seen what i could have and had it be impossible to hold on to so the hurting is so incredibly bad.

that jackass even demanded every thing he had ever given me, including my general grievous blaster. how fucking petty. AND he said he's going to buy a new charger for his phone b/c he left the old one over here so he doesn't have to see me again. i don't even want to discuss how stupid our fight was...a disagreement over fantastic four origin shit. gah! i never should have gotten around to sewing up his interpol sweater....that's probably why he stuck around this long.

and this again means NO TRIP TO ATLANTA for molly. i am sad. it's wynter's fucking birthday and i'm going to miss it.

taken from the Revenge of the Sith book
the dark is generous, and it is patient, and it always win.
it always wins b/c it is everywhere.
it is in the wood that burns in your hearth, and in the kettle on the fire; it is under your chair and under your table and under the sheets on your bed. walk in the midday sun and the dark is with you, attached to the souls of your feet.
the brightest light casts the darkest shadow.