laputa64

i have had too much time i think alone in my room lately...i have been doing a lot of soul searching and have figured out that maybe there are a lot of feelings that i would like to write down that are too personal for an online journal. i haven't ever kept a journal before and am not very good at writing....typing seems to be so much easier but maybe writing them by hand would make them more personal. the journal might come in handy to read later b/c i do seem to have the ability to get sidetracked from myself and what i want. especially when it comes to my lonliness. sometimes that gets me to surround myself with unhealthy relationships. it definently has done that in the past. there is no reason for me to believe that this newfound assurance of what i want will last. handwritten journals in the past have always been a collection of things that i found...poems, stories, pictures. all of that was started by a school assignment. there is nothing that i hate more than a teacher that asks you to keep a diary as a school assignment. i don't know if that was just a local thing but i have had more than one teacher ask me to do it. what is that they really want? my deepest darkest desires? i don't think so. a detailed report of when i wipe my ass? i think i have gotten offtrack from my original point...but i don't think i can find that one either. anyways....i am not sure how much longer i am going to keep up an online journal. i get online too much and read other people's journals and not updating my own. i hate taking and not giving in return.

hawes called me tonight drunk. i would have given my right arm for that kind of entertainment. he called while trying to pull up a sewer grate to take to the girl back in his apartment as a present. i did convince him that that wasn't the most romantic of gifts...eventually we moved from a random black cat in the apartment parking lot to the sign of his apartment complex which the determined boy actually did pull up and drag back to his apartment. i hope he remembers to take a picture of of for me to see how big the thing actually is so i can be duelly impressed. he had to get off the phone very abruptly to throw up. man i love hawes.

david took me to a duck derby on thursday...it was a blast even though my damn duck didn't win. when he said we were going to hang out and do something that i had never done before, he wasn't kidding. then we saw resident evil 2 at the dollar theater....interesting but not near as much suspence as the first one. i did like how they used actual scenes from the game and nemesis actually looked like nemesis.

i think at 3am, this is when people sleep but sleep doesn't come for me. i wish i wasn't such an insomniac. i get tired of struggling to be able to sleep. oh well...i will think of something to do.

xoxo