Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

lamdalamdalamda

jesusland

Member Since 2003

Followers 34 Following 99

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Tuesday Jan 10, 2006

Jan 10, 2006
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
ten days into the new year, and the only movie i've seen is the remake of stepford wives. i'm hungry and i don't know what for. there was a black squirrel on my block, but now he's roadkill. newness cures everything but desire.

while we talk, i don't hear much, i don't listen, much. i think about an image, hers. and the distribution of memory. her image becoming a part of my insides, a scar that tells me how to react when that image crosses my path: both . i imagine her lips coming out of my head, her eyes mischieviously gazing from my fingernails. i agreed to not see movies for a month. now i see our encounter as an isotropic object, a sphere perhaps, always changing, but never in appearance. i'm going limp. i am drunk, inattentive, distant, cold. lacking. her voice is a lulling monotone, but she's giddy, a delirium of poses. i get home, and i read about film. about apophasis, and i realize, i cannot speak about us. my reading light is insufficient. i can't understand the french. god's omnipresence disappears. in the sublime gaze of martyrdom, god cannot be present, for martyrdom is for the solitary, in it cannot be the presence of god, for the death is a going. the suffering is one of the dying, but it also murders. at the instant of death, the martyr is flung from god, and his all being presence is forgotten. the t.v. is dark, and she is looking at my record collection. i am sneaking away and reading "awaiting oblivion". she is talking about nothing. she presses play, and the blast of sound shocks us. i am worried.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
testykitten:
heheh. your comment was more artful than anything. blush
Jan 18, 2006
lauren:
Thank you! kiss kiss
Jan 20, 2006

More Blogs

  • 03.23.05
    3

    Wednesday Mar 23, 2005

    date canceled...but got the proverbial "raincheck". mystery and encha…
  • 03.23.05
    3

    Wednesday Mar 23, 2005

    rying to turn a life of sadness and anger into one of mystery and en…
  • 03.16.05
    4

    Wednesday Mar 16, 2005

    it's been a long time since i've updated...i've been oddly busy. my f…
  • 02.28.05
    11

    Monday Feb 28, 2005

    recovering just fine. thanks for all of your supportive words. …
  • 02.16.05
    7

    Wednesday Feb 16, 2005

    I'm always on the verge of tears. i hate this. she says that she stil…
  • 02.14.05
    3

    Monday Feb 14, 2005

    single again.
  • 02.13.05
    1

    Sunday Feb 13, 2005

    for the first time in several years, i had a really good birthday. ev…
  • 02.07.05
    16

    Monday Feb 07, 2005

    something new i wrote. still has lots of problems, but i don't have m…
  • 01.30.05
    11

    Sunday Jan 30, 2005

    it took me a while, but i'm finally feeling better! (physically and s…
  • 01.20.05
    19

    Thursday Jan 20, 2005

    force feeding yourself is one of the hardest things to do. i seem to …

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
8
months
15
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,589 SuicideGirls
  • 1,123,275 followers
  • 14,905,913 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,356,183 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo