lainee

I wish i could not care about a lot of things. Especially my ex boyfriend. It's been two years and I feel like we are still a big part of each others lives. I try to move on but things just keep holding me back. Me and him have been through a lot and I wish I didn't screw him over. He still comes around but I recently told him if you want to be my friend then be my friend. Don't be my friend with benefits and just use me because you can't get some other girl to date you. Honestly, I feel like we could probably make it work again and things go good for awhile, but then its when I see other girls texting him and yes all the myspace bitches. Leave it all up to myspace to cause problems haha. But I just tell myself I don't care, but I really do deep down inside or I wouldn't get upset. He says he isnt talking to anyone, but the fact that he hangs out with me a lot and pretty much will pretend like he is my boyfriend and then the next few days its like well we aren't together so why does it matter. It's like what the hell then dont be all into me acting like you are my boyfriend because you are just leading me on to nowhere. It stresses me out and I get upset. I want to move on but I cant because I am still attatched in some way to him. Even when a new guy comes into the picture I can pretend like everything is wonderful, but my ex is always in the back of my mind. I just have that comfort with him, but I am thinking it is seriously time to move on and just let go. I am tired of wondering when it will be, what it could be, its been two years and if you want to be with me then he needs to just make it happen. I got off the phone with him before I wrote this blog and I just feel so sad. I kept telling him I just dont care and he told me that I never care. The reason why I let myself not care is so I dont get hurt. You don't get too close you won't get hurt that bad. So I try not to care. I think he got upset when I said that if you want to be friends then be strictly friends. He can't have his cake and eat it too. I'm just so over everything lately. The dude I was interested in awhile back I gave up on, he is an asshole just like the rest. I am kind of glad I am single I guess. The one I want I cant have and thats how it usually goes. Maybe its just not meant to be. who cares

on a better note, i have decided to get tattooed on sunday.
warped tour in atlanta on tuesday/ my moms bday.
peace out bitches!!!


-Lainee